A man found naked in a field amongst cow dung and mud had been sexually pleasuring himself, a court has heard. "There is a history of his visiting this particular farm seeking sexual gratification while immersed in cow dung and mud," she said. "This is the only place he seeks to gratify himself in this particular manner. It goes back seven years."
"The family have to regularly check their livestock, outbuildings and equipment, as he has masturbated in a muck spreader and set fire to outbuildings, killing livestock in frustration when they cleaned out their farm equipment in an attempt to stop him from this lewd and obscene habit."
On Saturday, a son of the family had become aware that a man had been seen climbing over a gate to the property, and since the family were expecting this to be Truscott they went out. The child came across him naked in a field amongst cow dung and mud.
Because you wouldn't want to make a mess.
How do you know they were paper tissues and not, say, biological ones?
Dude! I thought paper was, like biological, being made out of, like, pulping this new tree thing they've invented, which is like, a totally natural plant. But definitely not biological.
...How do you even find out you have this fetish?
(That is an entirely rhetorical question.)
thisisthewestcountry.co.uk just about covers it.
Gotta be Pig Killer and the beginning of Bartertown.
"The child came across him naked in a field amongst cow dung and mud."
Some skilled writing there.
Google tells me he got two years this time, but he seems to have spent most of his time since 2005 either in jail or at the farm masturbating (or burning down things that were too clean), so I guess he'll show up again some time next year.