Never before now have I wanted a lathe.
It was when I got booked to play Kinetik, and I found out that I was scheduled to open for Nachtmahr and Combichrist. Given how strongly I feel about the way they do what they do, I didn't think I could just get up there and play and pretend as though I wasn't going to be followed by these two acts that I've openly criticized. I actually considered just cancelling my performance, and being done with it. I don't want to be associated with what they do, and I don't want to be a support act for them, even in a festival setting. But I took some time to think about it, and at some point I was listening to Give Me Convenience or Give Me Death and thought, "What would Jello Biafra do?" He'd use the stage time to tell people why he's pissed off. And so here we are.
They played this PowerPoint behind their last song:
Later in the linked article, the Combichrist guy rebuts with, "Hey, I'm just kidding with all that misogyny and racism, can't you take a joke?"
In case you couldn't have predicted that.
Industrial music began circling the drain in earnest in around 1995 and has been fully dead as a genre since 1999, and this brodustrial jock-rock bullshit from bands like Combichrist certainly brought nothing to the party.
"Football season is over, Veronica. Kurt and Ram had nothing left to offer the school except for date rapes and AIDS jokes."
My favorite so far:
Yo, why do people say it's hard to explain gay marriage to kids? I didn't realize it was actually illegal until High School because of Bugs Bunny cartoons.
MP for the Independence Party Árni Johnsen arranged for the relocation of a 30-ton boulder, which he believes is home to three generations of elves, from Sandskeið on Hellisheiði in southwest Iceland to his home Höfðaból in the Westman Islands today.
Árni first encountered the elves’ dwelling when he was in a serious car accident in January 2010. His car overturned and landed beside the boulder 40 meters away from the highway, Morgunblaðið reports.
His SUV was damaged beyond repair but Árni escaped the accident unharmed. He considered whether the boulder might be a dwelling for hidden people and had it saved from landing underneath the south Iceland Ring Road when the highway was widened.
“I had Ragnhildur Jónsdóttir, a specialist in the affairs of elves from Álfagarðurinn in Hellisgerði, Hafnarfjörður, to come look at the boulder with me,” recollected Árni. “She said it was incredible, that she had never met three generations of elves in the same boulder before.”
“She said an elderly couple lives on the upper floor but a young couple with three children on the lower floor,” the MP described.
The specialist concluded that the boulder’s inhabitants were content with the move. “But they asked whether the boulder could stand on grass. I said that was no problem but asked why they wanted grass. ‘It’s because they want to have sheep,’ Ragnhildur replied,” Árni continued.
The specialist also said that the elves wish for the boulder’s “window side” to face the view. “I promised to do so,” Árni stated.
The boulder will be moved on the ferry Herjólfur and the elves will travel in a basket lined with sheep skin so that they can be comfortable on the journey.
Ragnhildur explained to Árni that when he was in the accident everything went crazy on Hellisheiði. Elves from all neighboring settlements were called out and there was much confusion until one large being took control of the situation.
“Ragnhildur said it was my protecting spirit, because my time hadn’t come,” he concluded.
Vigdís Kristín Steinthórsdóttir, a nurse, healer and hypnotist, believes hidden people, or elves, who live in the mountain were upset when the tunnel through Óshlíd was made and are causing these mishaps.
Facebook co-founder Eduardo Saverin's decision to renounce his U.S. citizenship just in time to avoid a large tax payment essentially means he will not be able to re-enter the United States again, immigration experts say.
"There's a specific provision of immigration law that says that a former citizen who officially renounces citizenship, and is determined to have renounced it for the purpose of avoiding taxation, is excludable," said Crystal Williams, executive director of the American Immigration Lawyers Association. "So he would not be able to return to the United States if he's found to have renounced for tax purposes."
The provision of law isn't usually enforced, added Williams, "however, this guy is so high profile that this is probably going to be the test case."
[...] Two immigration lawyers said his explanation hardly passes the laugh test. Saverin's move was timed to the initial public offering of shares of Facebook stock. The valuation of the Facebook IPO explodes Saverin stake in the social media company to some $3 billion, on which avoiding taxes could save him at least tens -- if not hundreds -- of millions of dollars. Nor does it help his case that he relocated to Singapore, which levies no taxes on those earnings.
Two senators mobilized Thursday to crack down on Saverin and other tax dodgers.
"He's fucked," said Adam Green, an immigration lawyer based in Los Angeles. "He must have gotten horrendous advice."
It's plausible that Saverin simply decided the money he'd save would be worth saying goodbye to the United States forever.
$100M is 3.3% of $3B. It's a rounding error to this bozo, but he thinks it's very important that he give none of that back to the people who made his lottery win possible. Bravo, Sir, you are a true Hero of Capitalism.
Did I mention that SF Weekly had decided to eliminate the category of "Best Dance Club" this year? Yeah, I think I did.
Oh, hey, have you heard of this "hot new startup venture" SceneTap? They've signed up twenty SF bars to allow them to install facial-recognition cameras to mine demographic data. Read the comments on this SF Weekly blog post about it to see the warm welcome they're getting -- e.g., "Thanks for the list of bars I won't be going to".
I'm sure this will never, ever be abused. It's not like SFPD isn't perpetually lobbying for clubs to be forced to install exactly these sorts of cameras and ID scanners. Oh wait, yes they are. In fact, one of the "standard conditions" that ABC is putting on all new liquor licenses now is a requirement to save video of every patron, and turn over the recordings whenever they ask. Since most people applying for liquor licenses don't have the luxury of fighting the default conditions -- which usually means paying rent on an empty building for six months during the appeal process -- you can expect to be seeing a lot more of that around town.
Anyway, back to SceneTap, I posted about this company on my other blog last year, but it probably actually belonged here instead, so I'll just cut-and-paste...
This douchebag's startup is actually getting bars to pay them for this:
Facial detection cameras that will keep track of the number of people in a bar, including a running tally of ladies.
Cameras are set up at the bar's exits and entrances, says SceneTap CEO Cole Harper. The software is not savvy enough to, say, be linked up with Facebook and detect identity; it's just able to detect a face and its gender.
"This is going to change the way the bar industry runs," says Harper.
While the software can tell you the gender ratio, it unfortunately doesn't rate attractiveness.
This post is part of an ongoing effort to identify the people, places, ideas, products and companies that are poised to become central to the global conversation over the next six to nine months.
Cole Harper, may you never have sex again.
And you stay klassy, Forbes.
This idiotic idea is not even an original idiotic idea: there's a Twitter feed called "yo bro, where the wimmins at" (it's not actually called that but I'm not telling you its real name because I don't want them getting the hits) who have been doing this by mining the gender field on Foursquare checkins for years. Every time they at-spam us on the Twits I mark them as spam, but the account is still there, despite being a pretty clear violation of Twitter's ToS.
So, I saw these guys at SXSW and bailed on them after 1.5 songs because they were 15 minutes late, and then did a 15 minute sound check, and I had places to be -- you do not pull that shit at a festival like that. Anyway, several people said they had a great live show, which I did not even remotely experience in that song and a half, so I gave them another shot, but I didn't experience it again tonight. Now let me be clear -- it sounded great, and I love their recorded material, and you should buy their album, but they have no show. People who think they have a show must be comparing them to DJs instead of to bands. It's true that the vocalist did occasional fills over the canned drum track, but when the drum-heavy song starts, and the person with sticks in her hands is just standing there bobbing her head... that's a fuckin' problem for me.
If this sounds like the band that you are in, please, for the love of all that is rock and roll: befriend a bass player and/or a drummer. Don't let your mere enthusiasm be the Maginot Line between you and karaoke. You won't sound that different, and people who have actually seen a show will think they are seeing one again.
Also, here's our Fuck You Apple moment for the evening:
Let's say the show has just ended, and you're leaning against the bar looking at the photos on your phone, select the two you like, hit "Share", and pound out a bitchy blog post like the one above... and then you decide, "I'd better pop over to Safari and make sure I spelled 'Maginot' correctly..." then you go back to the Photos app, and your post is gone. So you check the Drafts folder in the Mail app, and, no, it's gone.
So you have to re-type it from memory. Fuck You Apple.
But, holy hell, there were twenty-five minutes of trailers before the movie started, beginning at the posted show time. Not even counting the (presumed) half hour of non-movie commercials before show time, which I missed.
Is 25 minutes the new normal? I remember being aghast when 15 became the new normal from 10, which seems like it wasn't that long ago.
With that many commercials -- about 1/5th of the running time of the movie itself -- why am I expected to pay admission too? I understood that my eyeballs were the product in this sale.
- Zoo caretaker licks monkey's butt for an hour to help it defecate.