recent movies

The Cabin in the Woods, the new Joss Whedon thing. See it immediately! It's great. I hadn't seen any of the trailers or read anything about it before seeing it, and that's a good way to go in. It's kind-of a horror movie, but they reveal the "twist" pretty early on. It's a deconstruction of the genre in the tradition of Wes Craven's New Nightmare and Scream except without being so self-conscious and self-congratulatory about it. It also, oddly, is compatible with the Buffyverse, to the extent that I wonder whether the script began as an episode.

These days I pretty much only set foot in an actual movie theatre about once a year, because it's such an unpleasant environment, and most movies are so awful that I can't sit through them without the fast-forward button, so why would I pay twelve bucks to disable my remote and have to listen to an audience of unfunny people who aren't my friends talking to each other? I did not feel the need for a ffwd button with this movie.

Scooby Doo Mystery Incorporated: No, I know, what? I posted a link to a review of this show a while back because, hey, it's not often you hear someone say something nice about Scooby Doo, but he was totally right, this show is hilarious!

Also, the science and backstory totally make more sense than Game of Thrones. Scooby Doo, for example, does not contain Demon Queefs, and if it did, someone would eventually ask, "How did you hide that guy in your vagina?" and get an answer like, "I combined a jetpack and a laser pointer, duh."

Some choice actual quotes:

"We've all had a Fred in our lives, Daphne. Mine was a carnie named Knuckles Wazinski. He ran the Round-Up. The last time I saw him he was spinning at 40 miles an hour and covered in a 4 year old's puke."

"I'll bet you clams to casino that the vampire is in the greenhouse."

"There's only one restaurant in town exclusive enough to carry that vintage: The Crab Net of Dr. Calimari."

Orc: "Do not mock me! I have Eldrich blood!" Velma: "And sometimes I have a chick moustache. So?"

Also, Harlan Ellison and HP Hatecraft are teachers at their high school -- and they are voiced by Harlan Ellison and Jeffrey Combs! And it's strongly implied that Velma's mom fucked Ellison.

Beyond the Black Rainbow: This movie freaked me the fuck out. It's really slow, but so creepy that while trying to watch it late at night on two separate occasions, I fell asleep both times -- which doesn't sound like a good review except that it actually gave me nightmares. It has a look that is somewhere between THX-1138 those Dharma Initiative videos from Lost, and the whole movie seems to really be a delivery vehicle for the weird and kind of awesome analog-synthy soundtrack. I can hardly even describe what this movie is about, except that it is made entirely of drugs. Like I said, it's slow, but you should give it time.

Mission Impossible 2 Fast 2 Ghost Protocol: This was surprisingly good in that it was not completely awful and I wasn't even that drunk. (Yes, I am damning with faint praise.) It was exactly what a Mission Impossible movie should be: a slick version of a 60s Bond movie. I did enjoy that every time they tried to use some IMF Super Tech, it completely broke halfway through.

Conan: Not nearly as terrible as everyone said. It was way better than Conan the Destroyer or Red Sonja.

Green Lantern: This was pretty much exactly as terrible as everyone said.

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Current Music: Chromatics -- Lady ♬

17 Responses:

  1. Will Sargent says:

    Wait, Demon Queef? I think I need more context.

  2. Joe Crawford says:

    I also really liked the "realism" of flaky amazing tech. Reminded me of work but not in a bad way.

  3. Dan says:

    I can't stand going to theaters anymore either. In addition to all the things you mentioned, I loathe the ads that are shown. We get enough of that with product placement, I don't feel the need to pay to sit and watch commercials.

    Green Lantern is one of 3 movies that I've walked out of, joining Highlander 2 and Wanted.

    • nooj says:

      > i don't pay to sit and watch commercials.

      this is why god invented the alamo drafthouse.

      • MattyJ says:

        A lot of people I talk to don't realize the Kabuki has 21 and up shows, and an upstairs bar and balcony in auditorium 1 for evening shows. It's well worth your time if you're seeing something stupid and need to be drunk for it.

      • jwz says:

        This is also solved by just showing up late - once you figure out whether the posted time is "show time" or "commercial time". This also means that you can only go to shows that will be largely vacant, so it's self-reinforcing in that way too.

        But mostly, it's just more pleasant on my own couch.

  4. nooj says:

    couldn't we do the merman? just once?

  5. MattyJ says:

    I see about 50 movies a year in the theater, but part of it is my job. We have a private theater which is pretty boss, but we can't eat or drink in it, which is not boss. There are theaters in town I will no longer go to. Metreon. AMC Van Ness. Both terrible. The Century downtown is okay for an early matinee, a lot of people don't realize that theater is there.

    When I actually have to pay I usually go to Embarcadero or Kabuki. Or walk to the Balboa. Nobody goes there, though it's sorta dumpy.

    Agree on Cabin in the Woods. I hate horror but this one really did it for me because it's not exactly horror. I want to see it again. Jiro Dreams of Sushi is worth a look if you like documentaries or sushi.

  6. Jeremy Wilson says:

    I'd love to pay $12 to see movies but they keep not making ones I want to see. Most of the time they're not even worth torrenting. How bad is it when I don't even want to watch it for free?

  7. pavel_lishin says:

    Watching Ghost Protocol now; any movie with an actual Russian actor in it playing a Russian is about a thousand times better than a fake. That's not even taking into effect the awkward, horrible accents - which only affect viewers who speak Russian, anyway.

  8. plumpy says:

    Wow, I love Joss Whedon, but I couldn't stand Cabin in the Woods. Self-conscious and self-congratulatory are exactly the words I would use to describe it if I was feeling smart enough to use them. A unicorn? Seriously?

  9. Cabin in the Woods: not being released in Australia and New Zealand. something something torrents killing cinema something.

  10. "I've been violated by a figment of a fantasist's fabricated falsehood for the sole function of fame and fortune."

    aka violated by a tentacle monster.