The Dark and Disturbing Secrets HR Doesn't Want You to KnowToday I had to talk to an employee who e-mailed a photograph of his penis to a woman in his department. I knew it was his penis because it said, "This is my penis," in the subject line. Also, his name badge was clipped to his belt and was clearly visible. I practiced saying, "Is this your penis?" over and over in my office until I could say it without giggling, and then I called him and his supervisor in.
"Is this your penis?" I asked, as I pushed the printout of the e-mail over to him.
I think I was expecting him to break into a sweat or try to jump through the window out of embarrassment, because apparently I'd forgotten about the fact that this was the same man who thought it would be perfectly fine to take a picture of his penis in the office bathroom to send it to a shocked coworker. Instead he grinned cockily (no pun in tended), saying, "I think the better question is, Exactly how did you get a picture of my penis?"
"It was caught in the e-mail filter. The picture, I mean. Not your penis. If, in fact, that is your penis, I mean." I was flustered, but tried to gain control of the situation again with a deep, calming breath. "Did you mail a picture of your penis?"
He raised an eyebrow. "Would it make it better if I said I was mailing pictures of someone else's penis?"
Like most such tales, I can't help but hear this in the soothing deadpan of David Sedaris.
This story makes me believe in Santa again.
Must've been G.S. Brindley earlier in his career.
My favorite bit (I literally laughed out loud):
“Are these your penises?”
...
"One of the guys just nodded quietly, but the other leaned over to look clinically at the photo before he pointed to the penis on the left. “Just this one,” he said. I thanked him for the clarification, because I didn’t know what else to say. "
How can us poor menfolk compete with elaborate and crafty stratagems such as that?
Why when I see "HR" and penises in the same subject do I think of Giger, and not HR departments? :-)