Today's episode of "What's On My Bloody Mary?"

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Top Stories of 2011 in Lego


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How to Indefinitely Detain JP Morgan President Jamie Dimon

Too difficult to prosecute Wall Street crime? Don't!

If there's one thing we've learned about Wall Street crimes, it's that they're difficult to nail down with certainty and get convictions on. The defendants have access to the highest-priced, fanciest defense lawyers and bottomless PR resources. The law makes it difficult and sometimes impossible to tell with certainty the difference between conscious fraud and merely poor "business judgment." And, of course, there's an entire major political party and theory of governance that says it's not only perfectly legitimate for the wealthy to be able to smash and grab whatever cash and assets they can get their hands on, but that it's something actually ordained by God.

But those worries will all be behind us now, once it becomes legal to indefinitely imprison American citizens without charge or trial. Huzzah!

How to Indefinitely Detain JP Morgan President Jamie Dimon:

Making that case with Jamie Dimon is very easy to do, because his company, JP Morgan Chase, has materially helped Iran. We have several pieces of proof it has done so. [...]

But there may even be proof -- enough, anyway, to satisfy Rogers Brown -- that JPMC materially supported an attempt to deploy a WMD in a terrorist attack on American soil. As I have shown, the bank account to which Manssor Arbabsiar transferred almost $100,000 as downpayment for the alleged Quds Force plot to assassinate Saudi Ambassador Adel al-Jubeir was probably a Chase account. And that affidavit should be enough. The FBI, after all, is an intelligence agency. And Janice Rogers Brown does not find redactions -- even much more extensive ones -- to in any way impair the reliability of Administration claims to justify indefinite detention.

In other words, the Administration has provided sufficient proof that JPMC materially supported Iran to the tune of at least $23 million in illegal financial transactions.

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DNA Lounge: Wherein Code Yellow is upgraded to Code Brown.

Last night one of our customers shit his pants.

I'm pretty sure it was unintentional, however.

I was just marveling last night that there were a few years of our operation here before we knew about Spill Magic. It's kind of hard to even fathom that. These days, we buy it by the 55 gallon drum.


Have you accepted The Buggles into your heart?

Every now and then one of my audio-archive-manipulating cron jobs goes wrong and I get email like this:

    big_values too large! 377
    hip: Can't step back 171 bytes!
    hip: bitstream problem, resyncing skipping 1911 bytes...
    hip: Can't rewind stream by 708 bits!
    fatal error: can't update LAME-tag frame!

And every time I read it, in my head I hear, "Can't rewind, we've gone too far."

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