I think this must be a quite helpful document, because anyone who reads even the first quarter of it will know exactly what they're in for.
Don't stop reading before you've gotten to the part about codecs! And parrots. And crossing the street.
And, this already exists: The Stallman Dialogs. Oh, Internet. Is there nothing you cannot provide?
Friendly conference organizer: Mr. Stallman, I'm so sorry, we're running about 15 minutes behind schedule.
Stallman: When you need to tell me about a problem in a plan, please do not start with a long apology.
Friendly conference organizer: Oh. Well, it's just that, I know your time is very important and I...Sorry.
Stallman: That is unbearably boring, and unnecessary -- conveying useful information is helpful and good, and why apologize for that?
Friendly conference organizer: ...
Stallman: If it is night, and the stars are beautiful, I hesitate to say so, lest my hosts feel obligated to try to get one for me.