How to stop cats pissing on your car

Remember, always have your cat sprayed. If you feel the need to skip ahead, it gets good around 4:00 or 5:00...

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What it's like to be a hula hoop.

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Daniel Rosenthal's answer to "Why is U2 so popular?"

That's the letter U and the numeral 2.

Imagine you’re a middle-aged, upper-middle class male. You live in a large metropolitan area. You have a good job. Your wife does Pilates.  Your oldest just started Kindergarten. Yes, you’re an adult but you’re still cool! Your jeans cost $125. Sometimes you wear sneakers with a blazer! [...]

You arrive at the show and see yourself everywhere. Tasteful North Face and Patagonia jackets abound. The stands are awash in earth tones.  No one is shoving. No one has a nose ring. These are your people. [...]

And the kicker: not one but TWO encores, the ones you know best – the ones you first heard that summer you painted houses or kissed Katie at the beach party. You’re closing your eyes now. This is sad and sweet. You put your arm around your wife. You’re wondering if Katie ever got married. A third of the crowd departs after the first encore.  It’s no big deal – some of us have work in the morning!  Anyway, the traffic will be better if everyone doesn't leave at once.

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DNA Lounge: Wherein we get Mortified, Blow Up, and seek an Espresso machine.

We're looking for a used espresso machine for DNA Pizza. Do you know someone who has one to sell?

Specifically we're looking for a "La Marzocco Linea 2-group AA". The "two group" part means that it has two steam wands instead of the more standard three. We want that because it's smaller, and we need the room. Unfortunately, those seem to be harder to find than the 3-group.

Photos of our first Mortified are up. That was a hilarious show, so many great stories! Just to pick one: one of the speakers, a white Jewish guy, told a story about his lifelong love with rap music, specifically Naughty by Nature, and shared some of his teenage rhymes with us. During this act I was standing next to Sam, DNA staffer and noted hip hop enthusiast, who commented, "Those are not the worst rhymes I've heard. In fact, those are not the worst rhymes I've heard on this stage in the last six months."

Afterward, we had the shortest turn-over ever to prepare for Blow Up. In about 15 minutes, our staff had loaded out a hundred chairs, set up a drum kit, and cleaned the floor. It was like a magic trick, it was really quite impressive. They did a great job.

"I will now accept your adoration for my mad cowbell skills."
Blow Up was a fun party. But it's strange, every time I look at these galleries I think, That party looks epic. I don't recall the party I was at being epic. Mostly I remember a bunch of dudes in baseball caps. Maybe I should start following the photographers around instead. They seem to be seeing a different party than I am. Don't get me wrong, I had fun... It just seemed like a different party than the one pictured.

Blow Up has a very young crowd: about half of them are between 18 and 21. Predictably, this means that we ring about half as much at the bar as we would on a comparable-sized over-21 party. But sadly, even those over 21 don't tip: while sales are half of what you'd expect, tips are closer to a third. Charitably, this is because even those who are over 21 are so new to this that they just don't understand how to behave yet.

One of our bartenders has taken it on himself to educate each and every one of them. Normally, bartenders want to move on to the next customer as quickly as possible, but he's decided that it's in everyone's best interest to take the time to personally lecture each and every person at Blow Up who doesn't tip him, hoping that the knowlege and/or guilt spreads. "Hey, so just so you know? In a bar? You tip. That's how I pay my rent."

I know I shouldn't find this so funny, but I really do. I'm always reminding staff to be nice to our customers, but sometimes, bad customers need a polite reminder that they're being jerks.

There are also a few photos of last week's Hipster Bootie, and of the final Roccopura.