How to make a shitty infographic.

Many have tackled this issue. Some are funnier than others.

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Kansas City Ape Owners Must Pay for Rampage, Judge Rules

It has been 15 months to the day since I last had an opportunity to use the "monkeys" tag.

After a two-day trial featuring "contentious testimony" by 11 witnesses, a Kansas City judge has ruled that the owners of a chimpanzee that went apeshit last year must pay to fix the police car she damaged.

The defendants, who are over-the-road truckers, apparently kept Suco in a cage inside their truck, and seem to have argued that they were only in town briefly to pick up a few things and so were not "keeping or harboring" the chimp in the city. That is a better legal argument than you might expect from two people who spend their lives driving around the country with an ape, but the judge didn't buy it. He agreed with prosecutors, who argued the law is meant to keep apes out, period.

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DNA Lounge: Wherein we get Mortified!

I'm thrilled to announce a new monthly event here at DNA Lounge: Mortified! It will be every second Friday from 7pm to 9:30pm (just before Blow Up), starting next month, June 10th.

Mortified is a "comic excavation of adolescent writing, art and media", which means, grown men and women getting up on stage and reading to you from their teen diaries. I have been attending the show for years -- it is absolutely hilarious. You will come!

It's going to be a seated event, so the change-over between when Mortified ends and Blow Up begins will be... exciting. But we really wanted to find a way to make this work here, because it's such a fantastic show.

Also, they're always looking for new performers...