ME: But...I've got a glass here with his fingerprints on it! He left a shirt! It's wet! Full of DNA! There's a muddy footprint! Don't you want to take a cast?

COP: We're good, sir. Nothing's been taken. No property damage. We'll pass it along to the detectives but...I don't even know what we'd charge...

ME: Breaking and entering? Unlawful sex and non-remuneration of a prostitute?

COP: Sir.

ME: Well, are you going to send a forensic computer expert out to go through my computer? See what he was poking around in? See if he's stolen my identity for real?

COP: Nah. You can go on your computer. It's fine.

ME: Really.

COP: Really.

NETWORK NOTES: Well that just seems like lazy writing.

ME: But that's what happened.

NETWORK NOTES: It's not satisfying. The amateur sleuth's gotta go on the computer, use his own sleuthing skills, figure out the perp. You know. MacGyver it. We need more of that. More MacGyvering. Less being a pussy.