Drunken Lactating Kentuckian charged with squirting Human White Russian into jailer's face

Crime Over Spilt Milk
After Toni Tramel, 31, was arrested last Thursday for public intoxication, [...] Tramel "took off her bra, grabbed her breast and squirted breast milk, hitting me in the face and neck region," reported Brown. Tramel attempted a second lactation assault, "but was unsuccessful," added Brown. [...] As for Brown, a jail press release noted that the officer was successfully able to "clean the bio-hazard off her."

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17 Responses:

  1. chuck_lw says:

    Now I can't help but think of that Woody Allen movie with the giant, rampaging breast killing people.

  2. mikemariano says:

    I'm not sure if I should feel sorry for or envious of her child. The kid gets to start on the Lebowski Diet early in life.

  3. ammonoid says:

    Did you see this? It lookes like the war on fun is spreading.

    • scullin says:

      Spreading is the wrong word, really. Pennsylvania, et al, is why we moved to California.

      • ammonoid says:

        Any place with blue laws really sucks. I went to college in MA remember what its like to not be able to buy beer on Sunday.

        In CA yes you can buy beer in a gas station, on the other hand we have the ABC.

      • luserspaz says:

        Yeah, we've got the *original* war on fun in PA. Our state government owns the only shops that you can buy liquor from! You can't even buy beer at a grocery store!

        • valacosa says:

          That's the status quo in a lot of Canada, too. I never thought anything of it until I visited the US.

          • leolo says:

            Beer at a grocery store? You can in Quebec and Ontario (last I checked)

            • valacosa says:

              Quebec isn't indicative of Canada as a whole — they are a "distinct society." But enough about that situation.

              I've never seen real beer at a grocery store in Ontario. I've seen the 0.5% stuff, though. Maybe that's what you're thinking of? Also, some grocery stores sell wine, but that wine tends to be Ontario only, and the wine part of the store has its own (limited) hours, so that doesn't really count.

              In Ontario, take-home beer can only be purchased in The Beer Store or an LCBO. Both these places tend to close in the early evening. So yeah, it kind of sucks. But at least they're open on Sundays now.

              • antabakalj says:

                Same in Sweden - hard liquor only sold in government stores (Systembolaget - that's even in Wikipedia, wow). You can get 0,2% and 0,5% stuff elsewhere, but that's not really beer.

                • antabakalj says:

                  ADD: Finnland, Norway and Iceland go the same route. Seems to be a scandinavian thing.

                  Then again - the american control states don't seem too far off either.

                  • effbot says:

                    Is that 0.5% ABV or some other notation? You'll find beers up to 3.5% ABV in ordinary stores in Sweden (with light beers at 1.8% and 2.8% also quite popular). I think the Finnish limit is 4.5% ABV.

                  • antabakalj says:

                    It's 3,5% in Sweden.

                    Somehow I always ended up with Lättöl I though - maybe we sent the wrong people shopping...

                  • effbot says:

                    Lättöl? Ouch. That's 2.25% ABV max (I wrote 1.8% above, but that's weight, not volume), and is considered a non-alcoholic beverage. It's mostly something you get for lunch, as an alternative to soft drinks or water. But of course, if you buy the cheapest beer you can find in the store... :)

                    (You can find US-style alcohol-free beer too (<0.5%), but that's not as common, and usually not something you might end up buying by accident.)

  4. phoenixredux says:

    Remind me never to complain about my job ever again.

  5. mouseworks says:

    There's a certain kind of redneck chick capable of doing most anything. I read an FBI wanted poster about a woman from War, West Virginia, who hid her gun in her crotch.

    They're the women from the Jerry Lee Lewis songs. They kill men from time to time and dump them often.

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