I am reminded of this classic from the stone age: http://www.petting-zoo.net/~deadbeef/archive/3624.html
Apparently the narrator is BrotCoburn (http://www.petting-zoo.net/~deadbeef/archive/3642.html). Another version is available in this PDF: http://himalaya.socanth.cam.ac.uk/collections/journals/nepalitimes/pdf/Nepali_Times_300.pdf.
Pics, or it didn't happen.
Also, via New Scientist, beware of sex-crazed leeches infesting your rectum (especially if you're a hippopotamus):
IF you've seen a hippopotamus defecate you might have wondered why it spins its stubby tail, sending dung flying in all directions. A game ranger will mutter something about marking its territory, while a Bushman will tell you the hippo is showing God it has been eating only grass and not fish - one of the conditions laid down if it wanted to live in the water. But scientists working in the Kruger National Park in South Africa have a different answer: inside the warm, airless reaches of the hippo's rectum are leeches looking for love ...
So imagine having leeches up your nose and in your rectum.
And then you go swimming in the Amazon and a Candiru fish takes residence in another part of your body.
And as if that weren't enough, a week later you're on a Vogon spaceship with some sort of freelance writer and he gives you this fish...
and earwigs. Don't forget earwigs. And botfly maggots in your tear ducts