Ceiling Rabbi is Watching You Poop.

Ultra-Orthodox rabbis decry Internet's 'terrible impurity'

Leading ultra-Orthodox rabbis on Friday told their flock to shun the Internet, claiming that even sites meant for the arch-conservative religious community contained "lies and terrible impurity."

Those who enter the world of the Internet "will never return," they warned ominously in a letter published by three ultra-Orthodox newspapers.

"Many Jewish souls have already fallen into its trap."

The 21 rabbis noted that private use of general Internet sites is already strictly prohibited for members of the Haredi community, as the ultra-Orthodox call themselves. "Recently, the so-called Haredi sites have gone overboard," the rabbis said, adding that "they disseminate forbidden slander, gossip, lies, terrible impurity and abominations."

Haredis recently made headlines in Israel as thousands took to the streets to protest against a car park and an industrial company that operate on Saturday, which they consider a grave desecration of the Jewish holy day of rest.

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34 Responses:

  1. chuck_lw says:

    The Internet can't entrap a person's soul.

    I know this for a fact, because I haven't come anywhere near to developing the technology. (And yes, consider the project to be delayed ... again.)

  2. teferi says:

    Speaking as a self-identified Jew, the Haredim are utterly batshit crazy.

    • korgmeister says:

      Pretty much every Jew I know says that, too.

      For fun, I like asking them their opinion on whether they think it's fair that the Haredim avoid conscription in Israel.

      It's mean to do that. But the result is so damn entertaining I don't care.

      • mysterc says:

        I think I just shed a tear.

      • jwz says:

        I found this: Israel's Hidden Crisis

        The Haredi community averages 7.6 children per woman, roughly triple the rate for the population as a whole.


        • humble_fool says:

          Interrobang spotted!

          No, I don't have anything *constructive* to add to the conversation, why do you ask?

        • telecart says:

          As an Israeli, I appreciate the situation being recognized properly for what it is with the 'doomed' tag.

        • dr_memory says:

          It's even worse: because the Haredim think that the only proper occupation of a man is Torah study, the actual salary-earners of the households tend to be the wives. But every few weeks or so, one Rabbi or another decides that this or that occupation is unsuitable for women, issues a ruling, and usually (after much arguing) all of the other Rabbis follow suit. So the women are left with fewer and fewer possible wage-earning opportunities, and many Haredi families end up on welfare. In NYC, this is merely aggravating: in Israel, the demographic trends make it catastrophic.

          • jwz says:

            This may be a self-correcting problem, then. Natural selection: it works, bitches!

      • morrisa says:

        The Haredim are women hating uptight jerks. That said, many orthodox Jews lwho are Israeli citizens who believe "thou shalt not kill" takes precedent over conscription because God, not the country, says so are still obligated to serve, just not to kill. The orthodox make awesome communications experts, medics, cooks, rear line supply techs, clergy, etc. I have orthodox family there. None have been imprisoned for refusing to serve.

        • korgmeister says:

          Yeah, considering that a modern military has a tooth to tail ratio of about 1:10, pacifism doesn't tend to be too much of an impediment to serving effectively in the military these days.

        • telecart says:

          They wouldn't be imprisoned for refusing because it is not compulsory for them.

  3. mhoye says:

    Somebody was disappointed by their orthodox realdoll.

    Should've sprung for the ultra-orthodox model, I guess.

  4. shmooilk says:

    For them, The Internet means loss of control over their courts, which they can not abide by.

    Luckily, they're a minority.

    • sethg_prime says:

      ...but this story is datelined Jerusalem, and in Israel, the religious courts are connected to the state.

      • shmooilk says:

        The religious courts are connected to the state by way of funding and authority on religious affairs, such as weddings, funerals, etc.
        They have no say in secular affairs - that's what the (secular) courts are for.

        The only influence these rabbis have is on the people following their teachings. They do have some political power (after all, they are a part of the population and vote for their own parties in elections), but they are still the minority by far.

  5. beerfrick says:

    I guess they finally found goatse and tubgirl

  6. cdavies says:

    I can never work out which way causality flows. Do all joyless motherfuckers become religious, or is it religion that makes you a joyless motherfucker?

  7. lafinjack says:

    Those who enter the world of the Internet "will never return"...

    Man, if only.

  8. wisedonkey says:

    Good riddance. Does this also mean we won't have to hear more of Matisyahu on the tubes?

  9. badc0ffee says:

    Is this the same sect that wanted bike lanes removed in Brooklyn because there might be immodestly-dressed women riding on them?

  10. caroline_blind says:

    There is something noble about any religion that is THAT BATSHIT CRAZY about enforcing ONE GODDAM DAY of DOING ABSOLOUTELY NOTHING per week. Especially in America. Really? Is it so hard to sit with yourself, unplugged, for 24 hours without plunging into distractions, and possibly contemplating important life, or possibly spiritual issues? Or Minimum one HOUR a week?

    _ Yes, I am old. You kids there, GET OFF MY LAWN!

    • jwz says:

      They don't want you to do nothing, they want you to sit around feeling bad about yourself, or cowering in fear of the invisible sky daddy or something. What the hell's wrong with video games?

      • freetaco says:

        no, that's the other team that wants you to do that. caroline_blind's got it right.

    • jkow says:

      I don't know about Israel, but in Germany people usually just work 5 days a week, 8 hours a day, having two days to do as they like. And even though none of their workers work 7 days per week we have companies running 24/7. How is that possible? NOT EVERYONE GETS OFF THE SAME DAY.

      This religious thing is NOT about being unplugged for some 24 hours once per week, it is about a HOLY DAY. Saturday. Noone is allowed to operate that day. And if it was for the radicals even hospitals would close on saturday because there is simply no exception to the rules.

      But maybe I just missed the irony in your post.

      • vordark says:

        This religious thing is NOT about being unplugged for some 24 hours once per week, it is about a HOLY DAY. Saturday. Noone is allowed to operate that day. And if it was for the radicals even hospitals would close on saturday because there is simply no exception to the rules.

        Actually, if it's a matter of life and death, you are allowed to "break the rules". That doesn't mean they aren't batshit crazy, though.

  11. keimel says:

    With all the optically challenged folks in that image, I'd have to wonder just how much time THEY'VE been spending on the net...

    From what I can count, over 75% of the rabbis in this image are wearing glasses.

    I don't want to see their palms.

    • antabakalj says:

      Why I love the way you think, I am quite sure we can chalk this one up to inbreeding (and possible reading the Tora under insufficient light for generations).

      • telecart says:

        bad lighting and a lot of reading is the probable cause.

        • dr_memory says:

          Actually, there's some evidence that there's a genetic tendency towards myopia among ashkenazic Jewish males. (Lord knows it got me, although years of reading by the nightlight after I was supposed to be asleep probably didn't help either.)