"The owner of the cows was 'very upset' by the incident."

Animal-cruelty charges dropped against Burlington County cop

During a bizarre hearing there yesterday, a Superior Court judge dismissed animal-cruelty charges against a Moorestown police officer accused of sticking his penis into the mouths of five calves in rural Southampton in 2006, claiming a grand jury couldn't infer whether the cows had been "tormented" or "puzzled" by the situation or even irritated that they'd been duped out of a meal.

"If the cow had the cognitive ability to form thought and speak, would it say, 'Where's the milk? I'm not getting any milk,' " Judge James J. Morley asked.

Children, Morley said, seemed "comforted" when given pacifiers, but there's no way to know what bovine minds thought of Robert Melia Jr. substituting his member for a cow's teat.

"They [children] enjoy the act of suckling," the judge said. "Cows may be of a different disposition." [...]

Sex with cows is the least of Melia's problems, though.

He and former girlfriend, Heather Lewis, of Pemberton Township, are also accused of sexually assaulting three young girls over a five-year period, sometimes in Melia's Cottage Avenue home in Moorestown, where he was a patrolman, authorities said. [...]

During the course of the investigation, authorities also discovered child pornography on Melia's home computer as well as videos of him with the cows. [...]

Morgan, the prosecutor, said in court that the owner of the cows was "very upset" by the incident.


13 Responses:

    • ultranurd says:

      I'm sure I'm incredibly lame for never having heard of this site, but thank you for introducing me.

      • mackys says:

        My pleasure. Can't tell you how many times over the last three or four years I've typed my own name into this thing for a grin...

  1. taskboy3000 says:

    The calves were totally asking for it. They were all like "sexy MOO sexy sexy MOO MOO, big boy!"

    This guy can't be the only one who has been led on by these whores.

  2. 33mhz says:

    'Where's the milk? I'm not getting any milk,'

    And then: "Oh, there it is. Wait a second, that's not milk! THAT'S NOT MILK!"

  3. spider88 says:

    "They [children] enjoy the act of suckling," the judge said. "Cows may be of a different disposition." [...]

    Is that judge unclear on the concept of "infant mammal"? The only reason children enjoy it is because they are themselves mammals.

  4. taffer says:

    Aren't cows "confused" by default?