Fuck yeah, bank robbing ninjas.

Now this is how to rob a bank:

Steal a helicopter. Dress like ninjas.

Show you have a sense of humour by placing a bag outside the cops' helicopter hanger with the word BOMB written on it. This will stop the police chasing you in the sky.

Scatter small sharp objects on the roads around the bank you're targeting to slow down approaching police cars.

Rather than targeting a regular bank, choose a facility that stores banknotes for them.

Get schematics of the building.

Plan the raid for the day before people get paid, so there'll be lots of cash kicking around.

Hover the chopper over the bank while your men abseil in.

Have a pilot so good that authorities suspect military experience.

Set off some minor explosions to get to the cash. Chuckle at the cops as they try to get into the fortified building using a battering ram.

Leave all the staff unharmed.

Return to the helicopter and fly into the pre-dawn sky.

Land the chopper in a field.

Disappear into the woods with the loot.

Roll around in your money.

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18 Responses:

  1. kfringe says:

    In and out. No one gets hurt.

  2. fayanora says:

    That is... impressive.

  3. tcpip says:

    I can't wait for the action-documentary :)

  4. lilmissnever says:

    I am very disappointed that this is not my life. Where did it all go wrong? I'm going to need a ninja outfit.

  5. asjo says:

    Dear Ninjas, please stop acting out your movie fantasies by robbing our money.

    Thanks, Sweden.

  6. pikuorguk says:

    Interesting facts you probably don't care about:

    G4S was originally several companies before being merged. One of them was "Group 4" who had a bit of a reputation over here for being a little rubbish as a security company. The other company was called "Securicor" who, along with BT created a mobile phone network in the 80s called ... "Cellnet", which later got sold to BT and became "BT Cellnet"... and then eventually renamed itself to "O2".

    I seem to recall the first working mobile phone system in the UK was "Cellnet" and it was invented so that the Securicor vans could communicate with each other easily.

    • effbot says:

      G4S is the result of an almost endless stream of mergers orchestrated by Danish security company Falck from the mid-90s and onwards, and I don't think the Swedish branch (ex-ABAB, ex-Falck) has that much to do with the oddities you had in Britain before the merger :)

      As for the robbery itself, local media just reported that the police spent this morning arresting what they believe are the robbers...

    • hasimir says:

      Securicor is another company with a very interesting history. One of their subsidiaries is Lao Securicor, which has the principal role of protecting one of the world's largest saphire mines in Laos. Their general manager and his wife, Kerry and Kay Danes, were arrested and charged with the theft of numerous saphires which triggered a diplomatic incident between Australia and Laos (see the Wikipedia article for why). That same saphire mine was a central feature in the murder of Max Green in Cambodia in 1998.

      More Securicor entertainment can be found via Jardine Secururicor and the rest of the Jardines group - which has a history stretching back at least as far as the Opium Wars in the mid 19th Century.

  7. greyface says:

    Really, the only thing that can top off that heist, is if the perps were actually the founders of The Pirate Bay, who were disappointed that their T-shirts aren't actually covering all their legal bills...

  8. antifuchs says:

    This is so unbelievably brilliant.

  9. This is pretty much straight out of a Donald Westlake novel - exactly the plan Dortmunder would come up with.

  10. zingus says:

    The BOMB bag denotes genius

    Then it could give out too much of an hint of some inside job going on: police heliports ain't the first thing to come to mind. Police priorities while handling bomb threats, neither. Pilot cops, heliport employees, recent layoffs, absent people at the time of the attack and so on, all potential suspects here.

    If there actually is an insider in there and is still working in the heliport RIGHT NOW, how much pressure will he be able to handle?

    How much time before he resigns? How much time before he's safe? Did they hire him without showing their faces?

    Some real drama's going on here: I suppose Clooney's agent anxiously awaits their capture looking out to purchase the screen rights.

  11. kencf0618 says:

    Looks like Diabolik.