"Asshole Bomb".

Here come the airport rectal exams!

Uh-oh. Now that a terrorist has tried unsuccessfully to blow up a Saudi prince with a bomb shoved up his ass, the TSA is obliged to perform rectal exams on every flier for the rest of time. After all, once a jihadi failed to blow up a plane with his shoe, we all needed to start taking our shoes off. Then some knuckleheads believed they could blow up a plane with energy beverages and hair gel, so now we have to limit ourselves to 100ml of all liquids and gels, unless they're for babies or are prescription (because no mass-murderer would be so evil as to forge a doctor's note, which, as every junkie knows, cannot possibly be forged).

Now we found someone who was made to believe he could kill people with an asshole bomb, and so it follows that the TSA will have to ban -- or at least inspect -- our assholes.

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11 Responses:

  1. revsphynx says:

    TSA informed me that my stylus on my Samsung Omnia looked like a detonator. They let me keep it with a warning to get it replaced before I fly again. It's the standard stylus that comes with the phone.

  2. sheilagh says:

    The poor little onion dude has his pants dropped, waiting for the agent w/ the rubber gloves in the airport scene here.

  3. pavel_lishin says:

    If there's a rectal exam next time I fly, it better be thorough enough to make it worth my while.

  4. gible says:

    Are we allowed to bring our own probe?

  5. kencf0618 says:

    I've wondered for years why surgically implanted explosives haven't been deployed --it would seem to be the next logical step.

    • lionsphil says:

      Just make "the terrorists" watch The Dark Knight. Not only will it show them the idea, but that godawful film will give them motive!

  6. hairyears says:

    How thorough is a rectal exam? Drug mules and narcotics officers will tell you that the only way to be sure that you've found everything up there is laxatives and patience...

    Man, this one's gonna run and run. The TSA had better hire some reaaallly good PR guys to get the public onside for this one.

    Would I get arrested for aiding and abetting terrorism if I started selling fast-acting farting pills to air travellers? And would the waterboarding and the shallow grave in an undocumented 'renditions' processing center in North Africa be the kind of risk a man should run when the rewards are million-dollar profits and a sense of palpable dismay for any TSA goon who volunteers for ass-poking duty?