Adventures in Toyland

Monkey Goggles
Three times during this process women stopped him and described a sexual experience they had had that somehow connected to his music. I imagined that this must be his life -- middle-aged women describing sex to him as he went about his daily business. To him, it must be like the sun shining or gravity, an unavoidable part of the landscape. I wondered if he even heard them anymore or if it was just a staticy buzz that surrounded him like the low hum of a swarm of mosquitoes.


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7 Responses:

  1. bdu says:

    "As soon as he stepped away from the counter the owner grabbed the almost $1000 check and said that she would never cash it, she would have it framed and hang it in her office as art."

    This must happen frequently, as well. Can you imagine how difficult it is to balance his checkbook?

    • dasht says:

      If the current financial crisis teaches you anything at all it should be to recognize that above a certain level of wealth, you simply don't balance your checkbook at all - you manage money flows (debt v. income against alleged assets).

      Jagger most likely, if he's at all sane and it sounds like he is, has "personal reserves" cached here and there. Some gold here, some swiss accounts there, and so forth -- all separate from his daily business. Any total sum he might spend in a day of picking a bunch of items off the shelf of a toy store is noise in those cash flows - it's covered. He has, essentially, "infinite" money for that kind of thing. It's only if he starts getting drunk and buying millions of acres in Siberia over the poker table - or something like that - that he can really get in trouble. Otherwise, his consumerism is basically just a (minor!) operating expense on the books of his CFO.


      • marapfhile says:

        mick was a business major at the london school of economics before he dropped out to focus on the stones, so yes, i imagine he knows what he's doing.

    • dasht says:

      Also, the owner is an idiot. I mean that: a complete, f'ing idiot.

      There is a STANDARD PROTOCOL for that situation, especially in a big city store. Wait for Jagger to finish up and write his check. Meanwhile, study the assortment of things he's bought. Come up with some inexpensive but quirky/interesting item he didn't buy but seems like he might like. Approach him and say "Thank you very much for shopping here today and I'd like to offer you a small gift. I think you'll like this." If he's in a good mood he'll say something like "Thank you. It looks lovely but I really shouldn't." Then say, "Oh, please, it is nothing. But... would you mind... I've been thinking for some time about starting a 'wall of fame' here. Can I take your picture with the clerk who helped you to start our collection?"

      He has to either say "Of course you may" or never again expect to enter that store and receive friendly service.

      The owner should get two celebrities in that friendly headlock and then start displaying the photos. After that, negotiations with future celebrities are easier. And, damn, that wall of fame doesn't exactly hurt business.


    • gfish says:

      There is a story that Salvador Dali liked to host extravagant meals at restaurants, then when writing the check he'd "spontaneously" add a sketch on the back. Very few of those checks were ever cashed...