The Bureau of Communication

Previously.

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7 Responses:

  1. hasimir says:

    That's great ... especially the lack of identifying IP addresses in the emails it sends.

  2. mc_kingfish says:

    So would that be a "Mad"-lib?

  3. Isn't it ironic that it is not really an apology?

  4. revglenn says:

    thanks for posting this. i actually used it today.

  5. kencf0618 says:

    I could use this at work...!

  6. grok_mctanys says:

    Heh. Inspired by that and the spam solutions form response, here's a plain text version:

    From [...offender name................]

    Sincerity:
    ( ) Heartfelt
    ( )
    ( ) Begrudging
    ( )
    ( ) Technical

    Dear [...offendee name................],

    It has come to my attention that my action of
    [...action requiring apology..................................................]
    could be seen as
    [ ] offensive.
    [ ] annoying.
    [ ] selfish.
    [ ] hurtful.

    I never intended to
    [...consequence of action.....................................................]

    I want you to understand that I was merely trying to
    [...intention.................................................................]

    [ ] It is a habit.
    [ ] I am naturally selfish.
    [ ] I thought it would be funny.
    [ ] I didn't know it bothered you.
    [ ] You were never supposed to know.
    [ ] I was hungry.
    [ ] I was lonely.
    [ ] I was intoxicated.
    [ ] It was my evil twin.

    I can see now that it may appear that I was
    [...perceived motive..........................................................]

    I feel
    [ ] terrible.
    [ ] guilty.
    [ ] stupid.
    [ ] sorry.
    [ ] blameless.
    [ ] vindicated.
    [ ] better now.

    Please accept my [...adjective...] apology. Moving forward, I will attempt to
    [...proposed solution.........................................................]

    Please
    [ ] forgive me.
    [ ] be patient with me.
    [ ] give me another chance.
    [ ] forget it ever happened.
    [ ] do not try to get even.
    [ ] do not call the police.
    [ ] do not tell my parents.

    That said, I would very much appreciate it if you
    [...request for offendee......................................................]

    [...additional notes..........................................................]
    [.............................................................................]
    [.............................................................................]

    Sincerely,
    Your [...relationship to offendee...],
    [...offender name...].