Chocolate Cherry Cordial
You must not think me mad when I tell you what I found below the thin shell of chocolate used to disguise this bonbon's true face. Yes! Hidden beneath its rich exterior is a hideously moist cherry cordial! What deranged architect could have engineered this non-Euclidean aberration? I dare not speculate.
Caramel Chew
There is a dimension ruled by a blind caramel God-King who sits on a vast, cyclopean milk-chocolate throne while his mindless, gooey followers dance to the piping of crazed flutes. It is said that there are gateways in our world that lead to this caramel hell-planet. The delectable Caramel Chew may be one such portal.
"What black arts could have stripped this chocolate of its natural hue?"
Selections From H.P. Lovecraft's Brief Tenure as a Whitman's Sampler Copywriter
Tags: tentacles, zalgo
Current Music: Leather Studded Diaphragm -- Chocodaemon parts I and II ♬
14 Responses:
That? Rules.
"NON-EUCLIDEAN".
What, no comparisons of dark chocolate to a hideous and animalistic black person?
While there were many Lovecraftian elements, there was a distinct lack of tentacular treats. I call false advertising.
I give up, that does it, resistance is fruitless. I'm getting a subscription.
I find McSweeney's brilliant about 1% of the time, and really pretty tedious and awful the rest. Fortunately, this corresponds to about the portion of articles that get sent to me, so I don't have to wade through it myself.
The pirate store is cute, though.
I kind of want to subscribe to both the Believer and to Skeptic, just so I can put 'em next to each other.
This is actually forcing me to go buy chocolates.
These all sound exactly like they are written by Tycho at Penny-Arcade.
Draw your own conclusions.
I had the same thought.
They didn't include my favorite Lovecraftian adjective:
unwholesome
This explains why my first edition Fiend Folio has a chapter on confectionaries that was removed in later editions.
Indeed, prior to his career as a Singulatarian, Charlie Stross was a desert chef.
damnit, i haven't heard that song in almost 2 decades now.