what if.

If you could have a custom velvet painting of ANYTHING...
what would it be?

No, seriously, what would it be?

Please use both sides of the paper if necessary.


44 Responses:

  1. netik says:

    I vote for Yoda.

  2. quercus says:

    Jesus, Ed Conrad and a dinosaur, all walking hand in hand.

    Probably through Vegas.

  3. loftwyr says:

    A Mandelbrot set. Let's push the envelope for fine detail work on velvet!

  4. bishopjoey says:

    It'd have to be James Joyce.

  5. cavorite says:

    It is in my plans to get a Raptor Jesus velvet painting, possibly for my 30th birthday next year.

  6. spoonyfork says:

    I always thought the velvet painting medium was McLuhan-esque where the painting itself has a message of irony. However the subject matter of the painting has to reach a level of notoriety or fame in order for the arrogance of the supposition "how do you like my velvet painting of ..." to be valid. It helps that the subject matter can be seen in two somewhat equal lights to flush out the irony. For example: Al Gore holding his Noble prize. George W. Bush at the podium in "Mission Accomplished" repose. I can see faux hipsters flocking intensely but briefly to this medium with statements of obscure irony in the form of late 1980's Michael Stipe or a European 1980's concert poster for The Cramps. The real hipsters will have real or faithful reproductions of velvet Elvii and clowns. Lots of clowns.All this says to me is the Internet needs a velvet painting image generator.

  7. taffer says:

    Either Raptor Jesus or Jesus with a raptor, I can't decide.

    Don't they reserve velvet paintings for Nascar themes these days?

  8. moonracer says:

    Well my house already has more velvet paintings of kittens and clowns than we can properly display.

    I think a well done Hitler portrait with a nice frame would be worth having on display if you wanted a pretty much guaranteed conversation piece.

  9. uke says:

    Hm, maybe Lisa Edelstein's phone number.

  10. gwferguson says:

    I can haz Elvis?

  11. solarbird says:

    A triptych: a centre piece of Tom Baker's Doctor Who in the white Elvis jumpsuit singing to a pair of spangled Daleks on left and right.

  12. fu3dotorg says:

    Insect eyes, statefulness, (as above,) or topology.

  13. mc_kingfish says:

    That's not fair. You can't _start_ with Admiral Trout and a Sleestak! There's nowhere to go but _down_!

  14. phreddiva says:

    My grandfather, god rest his soul, had an apartment *packed* with velvet paintings, many of them of the St. Louis arch (he was obsessed). I'm sad I didn't make off with any of them before he died.

    I would want Maria Callas. And, of course, Les Claypool.

  15. discogravy says:

    Dogs playing Magic: The Gathering, or possibly the dogs playing poker picture with the dogs replaced by elvis, jesus and hitler.

  16. el_olvidado says:

    sleestax would give me nightmares.

  17. vomitrocity says:

    Did you see how many times he painted Jon Benet Ramsey??

  18. revglenn says:

    1. ZZ Top
    2. Arnold Schwarzenegger from the cover of "Predator".
    3. Samus Aran from Metroid. Possibly shooting Kraid with a missile.
    4. A pink flamingo
    5. A gray alien
    6. Dethklok
    7. Thor battling Jorgmund.
    8. Angus Young from AC/DC rocking out. Something along the lines of the AC/DC live album cover.
    9. Megaman
    10. William Shatner and Samuel L. Jackson in tuxedos locked in combat with samurai swords.

  19. unholyguy says:

    1: L Ron Hubbard
    2: Rob Zombie
    3: Josef Stalin
    4: Bill Gates
    5: Warren Buffet
    6: Pope Calixtus III
    7: Lisa Marie Presley
    8: William Shatner
    9: Jim Jones
    10:Arnold Vosloo

  20. mavia says:

    Fra Angelico, L'annunziazione della Vergine.

    Or maybe Hellboy.

  21. perligata says:

    I would probably go with some kind of poem or passage from a book or one of those Russian posters. For example:

    (Well, I'd probably exclude any kind of vaguely anthropomorphized animal, but...)

  22. elusis says:

    Annie Sprinkle.
    Weird Al Yankovic.
    Douglas Adams.

  23. dougo says:

    Major Briggs.OR, the Displacer Beast from the first edition Monster Manual, which I can't find anywhere online. What's up with that?

  24. loosechanj says:

    I've already got a velvet Mecca, so I'm set thanks.

  25. omni_ferret says:

    Baron Underbheit.
    Steve Jobs.
    Marc Andreessen.
    Rick Astley.
    Star Wars - Han Solo shooting first. Wedge Antilles.
    Blade Runner - ... um. origami unicorn?
    Wall-E and/or/versus Johnny 5.
    Saturday Night Fever - John Travolta, pointing at the ceiling. Or Scott Pilgrim in that pose.
    a slash pic of some guys from Lord of the Rings.
    Captain Kirk looking awesome.
    Spider Jerusalem setting the bowel disruptor to "Prolapse." Or a three-eyed smiley face.
    ... whazname riding the Luck Dragon...
    Robert Smith & Siouxsie laughing.
    Juice-lactating furries.
    If you ever found a lolcat funny...
    A hand grenade in day-glo colors.
    Animal Man saying "I CAN SEE YOU!" (I think this is my favorite.)
    The King from Katamari Damacy.
    David Cross as a Blue Man.
    Buddy Jesus.
    Hm. Something by Alan Moore. Untainted by bad movie adaptation & Anonymous. Um.
    Japanese Homer Simpson.

    • jwz says:

      There is Win here.

      • omni_ferret says:

        You might leaf through TV Tropes' "Crowning Moments of Awesome."
        Spinal Tap.
        If you read Nextwave, you might like the guitar used as a weapon (see also: Furi-Kuri) or "do you think this stands for America?"
        Although a more defining moment of Furi-Kuri would be "massive creature squeezes out of a boy's head."
        *finds list I made while half-awake*
        Rod Serling.
        Aliens: ... Yeah. just. Ripley.
        William Gibson with a (Borg?) head implant & a cyberspace deck.
        Bruce Campbell. Possibly as Elvis.
        Max Headroom.
        Walken tapdancing.
        Gir in costume. Dib flying into space.
        From Doom Patrol: the Beard Hunter. I'm not sure that would be as fun without the internal dialogue.
        From Ghost in the Shell: Stand-Alone Complex, the Laughing Man. Though that strikes me as much more fun on a mirror. Hmmm...
        A Che Guevara pose of someone from Akira, maybe?

  26. spendocrat says:

    One of those WW2 images where the Imperial equipment (AT-AT, TIE fighter) has been shopped in.

    Or the Shoop blackface.

  27. bonniegrrl says:

    heh, well I own the Ackbar. I commissioned it. ;-)