Indiana Jones and the Kingdom of the Crystal Skull: The Abridged Script


PRODUCER FRANK MARSHALL immediately proves his commitment to using CGI "only when necessary" by featuring completely necessary CGI prairie dogs in the first shot of the movie.


Pryvet, Harrison. I am evil Soviet. You vill help me find Moose and Squirrel, yes?


Holy Christ, you're not going to talk like that the whole movie are you?


Da. You vill help locate MacKuffin now.



10 Responses:

  1. nightrider says:

    Absolute best, most favorite part:


    What are we doing in the Amazon?


    Cate wants to return the Crystal MacGuffin to the ancient City of Gold.


    City of Gold? Isn't that what Nicolas Cage was looking for in National Treasure 2? Are we seriously getting the plot for our shitty sequel to Indiana Jones by ripping off the plot of a shitty sequel to a shitty knock-off of Indiana Jones? I feel like that should unravel the space-time continuum or something.

    p.s. the final 2 lines of that script are FULL OF WIN.

  2. whumpdotcom says:

    Yes, but seeing John Hurt defend himself by waving around the skull of the thing that burst out of his chest in "Alien" was pretty damn funny.

  3. colubra says:

    I actually watched this one twice, since my parents wanted to go with me and I had an afternoon free.

    It was very interesting listening to Ms. Blanchett's native British accent colliding with the 'proper Soviet' accent she was affecting, not being distracted, on the second viewing, by the visuals.

    Interesting in that whole 'hide under something immoveable' kind of sense.

    • gths says:

      Interesting indeed, since Blanchett's native accent would be Australian.

      Haven't gone to see it yet. Probably won't anyway.

      • colubra says:

        Good point. She sounded, to my ear, like a Brit trying to imitate a Ukranian. So she gets some points and who knows (I know I don't)- this may actually be a period accent in English for someone from the Ukraine trying to speak as idiomatic of American as she could. She definitely was slipping towards the British idioms of speech, now and again, at any rate.

        If you have the faintest interest in seeing it, I'd recommend seeing it in the theatre- as a matinee, anyways. Some of the special effects just won't have the same 'woah' value on a small screen.

      • colubra says:

        Since it came up elsewhere and I happened to have the URL in my browser's history, I felt I should point out that people born in London and who attended school in England are generally not natives of Australia. No, I'm not trying to rain on your parade: I just happened to stumble across facts contradictory to your point here, and figured you'd prefer knowing the truth.

  4. ultranurd says:

    Heh. I liked "Pick up MAP. Use MAP on HARRISON FORD. Walk To TOMB."

    That said, I didn't feel my childhood dreams had been shattered... but then again, Jar-Jar didn't drive me crazy, either. Maybe I'm immune?

  5. jkonrath says:

    I spent most of the last third of the movie wondering if the people that designed the props for the AVP movies got paid twice for the re-use of their work.

  6. cyeh says:

    I only get a chance to see one movie a year in a theatre. My choices were to try and blow my movie on Indy, or go see Ironman instead.

    I am so glad I didn't go see this movie.