sex machine.

James Brown:

"Motherfucker was crazy," says Gloria Daniel, a girlfriend he kept on the side for forty years. "It was the drugs."

One night in the summer of 2001, after he'd slathered her in Vaseline ("He liked you all greased up," she says. "Like a porkchop") and wore her out trying to come, he gave up and left the room, and Gloria dozed off. When she woke up, Mr. Brown was standing at the foot of the bed in a full-length mink coat over his bare chest, a black cowboy hat, and silk pajama pants with one leg tucked into a cowboy boot and the other hanging out. He had a shotgun over his shoulder and a white stripe of Noxzema under each eye. "I'm an Indian tonight, baby," he announced. "C'mon, let's let 'em have it." Then he dumped a pickle jar of change on the floor, told her to get a machete, and went out to the garage. He took the Rolls, drove ten miles to Augusta, weaving all over the road, clipping mailboxes, smoking more dope, and screaming about being an Indian. Gloria kept thinking she should flag down a cop, say she'd been kidnapped.

Like she says, motherfucker was crazy on drugs.

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10 Responses:

  1. lordshell says:

    I'm shocked.

    Here I thought James Brown always seemed like such a rational, well-behaved fellow.

  2. baconmonkey says:

    The problem is, he also left behind: Fourteen children (pending DNS tests);


  3. kencf0618 says:

    Co-dependency can be a beautiful thing.

  4. strspn says:

    Lest anyone think said dope was of the varietal variety,

    Mr. Brown smoked his drugs-PCP, until that got hard to find, then cocaine-mixed with tobacco from his Kools.

  5. autodidactic says:

    God, that sounds like stories Mom told me about Dad.

  6. wisn says:

    They freed James Brown so he could run me down, but the guy couldn't hit the broad side of a barn with four wheel drive and power steering.

  7. bassfingers says:

    I've said it before, I'll say it again...

    Some time in the year 1867, a fishing smack sailed from Boston. One of the sailors was a Portuguese, who called himself "James Brown." Two of the crew were missing, and were searched for. The captain went into the hold. He held up his lantern, and saw the body of one of the men, in the clutches of "Brown," who was sucking blood from it. Near by was the body of the other sailor. It was bloodless. "Brown" was tried, convicted, and sentenced to be hanged, but President Johnson commuted the sentence to life imprisonment. In October, 1892, the vampire was transferred from the Ohio Penitentiary to the National Asylum, Washington D.C., and his story was re-told in the newspapers. See the Brooklyn Eagle, Nov. 4, 1892.

    -Charles Fort, Wild Talents

    Godfather of Soul-sucking indeed. Funny, he didn't look Portuguese...

  8. dr_memory says:

    A lot more excerpts from that article can be found here. It's mostly really sad and sordid and depressing.

  9. mhoye says:

    I've got something that makes me wanna shout.