Six-Word Reviews of 763 SXSW MP3s
I was wrong.
Paul Ford is hardcore. He listened to all of the 2008 songs, all the way through, and wrote six word reviews of each.
|7||Adam Kesher||P-Katherine||Thin white men, tight black pants?|
|18||AM||Old Song||Someone’s been eating Hall and Oatesmeal.|
|79||Blue Rodeo & Friends||This Town||You’ll pay for this, Steve Perry.|
|184||The Deadbeat Poets||Ernest T.||“Dear Wes Anderson, here we are.”|
|258||Furthest Drive Home||Forget His Facade||Treacle. I want to stab dolphins.|
|274||Great Lakes Myth Society||Heydays||I call this genre “Dayjob Rock.”|
|332||Jon Mueller||Homeostatic||The drum solo has achieved singularity.|
|338||KaiserCartel||Season Song (live)||You know what audiences love? Whistling!|
|350||Kevin Shields||Muscle Hair||Like a dog fucking a blender.|
|382||Limbeck||Let’s Get Crazy||Where is the crazy you promised?|
|740||WIZ KHALIFA||SAY YEAH||Bitches AND money? In ONE song?|
|741||Wolff||Addition By Subtraction||Wizards of Gondor, unleash your tubas!|
Plus digressions such as:
AWESOMENESS VS. CUTENESS
It's easy to quantify male vocalists: they are either douchebags, or, if they play guitar as well, double dog douchebags. But I also found myself dividing the female vocalists — and there are surprisingly many, which is a promising development — into two camps.
First, there are twee little things who will sing about forest sprites and make you collages when you have the flu. Then there are the tougher ones who wear glitter and make eye contact.
The question I asked myself, to divide between the awesome and cute, was: would this woman (1) help you to get an abortion? Or (2) just write a song about it? The ones who would drive you to the clinic without judging you, in my opinion, make better vocalists. I could be wrong but I think Martha Wainright, and the women from Creature, would go with you.