Christopher Conte:

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Poop Transplant

A certain someone didn't believe me when I described this procedure the other day, so I went and looked it up.

Recolonize your colon:

Dr. Aas: Stool is an organ.
Me: Excuse me?
Dr. Aas: It is normally considered waste product, but it is in a way an independent organ, like the kidney, and it contains thousands of different bacteria living in symbiosis. These bacteria are needed for normal health. When you use some antibiotics, some of this bacteria population gets destroyed. If you later get infected with Clostridium difficile colitis, there is this competitive battlefield in the colon, and without the necessary bacteria, Clostridium has the upper hand. So what we do is take normal stool from a normal person, make an extract of it, put it in a blender with water, take two tablespoons of that cocktail, and introduce it into the patient's body.
Me: It is, in effect, a human poop transplant?
Dr. Aas: Yes. To replace the normal colonic flora.
Me: That's a nice word!
Dr. Aas: Okay.
Me: And how is this transplant done?
Dr. Aas: Through a tube down into the patient's stomach. A naso-gastric tube.
Me: It goes in through the nose?
Dr. Aas: Or the mouth, yes.
Me: Can't it go in the other end?
Dr. Aas: There is a doctor in Australia who does it that way, but sometimes the small intestine is infected, too, so it is more effective this way.
Me: In this particular organ transplant, who are the donors?
Dr. Aas: Most of the time, a loved one.
Me: I can imagine.
Dr. Aas: Yes.
Me: And this works as a cure because the microbes remain in the colon?
Dr. Aas: Yes.
Me: It is the gift that keeps on giving!
Dr. Aas: We've been doing it for 10 years without a single failure.
Dr. Aas: You wouldn't believe the [flora] I have taken from colleagues since publishing that paper.

If the name "Dr. Aas" screams "prank" to you, perhaps you will be more convinced by the fact that Wikipedia has managed to wring all of the humor out of a poop joke: Fecal bacteriotherapy.

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