Oh, Internets, is there nothing you cannot provide?

Surprising things I have learned this morning include:

  • There a blog about lobsters. Just lobsters.
  • There are Lobster Activists who are concerned about cruelty to lobsters. And Whole Foods cares what they think. (Are people also concerned about cruelty to cockroaches? Because they're basically the same thing.)

  • This is what a deliciously naked lobster looks like (See also "boneless chicken ranch"):

  • You do that with a hyperbaric chamber:

The Secret Life of Lobsters: food and sex:

You press the start button on an Avure machine. Powerful pumps whir, and inside a narrow tube in the center of the machine, the water pressure is compressed to several times the pressure found in the deepest trenches in the ocean. The microscopic bugs in your meal all die, giving the food extended shelf life, and reducing the need for artificial preservatives.

The animals are locked inside the tube, alive, and the pumps whir and the water pressure is compressed around the lobsters to three times the deepest trenches in the ocean. The lobsters die, of course -- just think what the pressure on your ears is like when you dive a few feet underwater.

At the same time, all the muscle flesh inside the lobsters conveniently separates from the shell. For the first time in human history, people have finally devised way to extract the meat of a lobster without cooking it.

Hooray for the Internets. And for delicious giant bugs.

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33 Responses:

  1. fantasygoat says:

    I guess I'm desensitized because all that makes me think is "Mmmm, delicious!"

  2. telecart says:

    Not that I care much for the life of lobsters, but they're really quite far from being cockroaches.
    Crustaceans have feelings you know.

    • elegantelbow says:

      Or, at least, feelers.

    • editer says:

      I read an article a few years ago in one of the big newspapers where a cook and food writer had a bunch of live lobsters and was preparing to chop off their little heads one by one for some sort of dish. He took one and whacked it dead, and the other lobsters actually tried to turn tail and run away; they were sufficiently self-aware to realize from their comrade's experience that they themselves were in mortal peril.

      The writer said he felt bad about killing the rest of the creatures since he'd seen they had feelings and thought processes. But not bad enough to change his dinner plans.

  3. elegantelbow says:

    Naked lobster is giving me the creeps.

  4. g_na says:

    One of my jobs while working at Stanford was in the Research Compliance Office, making sure researchers using human & animal subjects adhered to proper protocols, laws, guidelines, etc. When dealing with animal subjects, the researcher needed to clearly state how animals would be (humanely) disposed of when no longer needed. The ongoing joke was that the lobsters, who were used in neural research, would be euthanized in a pot of boiling water and immediately drizzled with melted butter.

    But yeah, that Whole Foods thing is silly.

  5. ms_nobizit says:

    mmmm lobster.

  6. recursive says:

    It really makes me cranky when people conspire to make my food less-fresh.

  7. jakemadison says:

    "consider the lobster" is an amazing short essay by David Foster Wallace.

  8. phoenixredux says:

    Oh, man. I think I need some lobster now. Thanks, JWZ.

  9. johnath says:

    FWIW - The Secret Life of Lobsters is also a (quite enjoyable) book. I'm not positive, but I suspect the book preceded the blog. Lobster sex is romantic and mysterious - I recommend the book. If nothing else, it is a *great* title to have on a bookshelf/wishlist.

  10. kousu says:

    Do you ever reflect on what part you had in creating the internets? The delicious delicious internets?

  11. kroker says:

    Are people also concerned about cruelty to cockroaches? Because they're basically the same thing.

    ah, cheers, mate. Now you've put me off lobsters.

  12. mcfnord says:

    cockroaches are not delicious, however

    • jwz says:

      Maybe if they were bigger?

    • arch_nme says:

      What do cockroaches taste like?

      • positricity says:

        Faintly like shrimp, raw peanuts, and nutmeg or mace. Not particularly flavorful.

        Far from delicious.

        • sherbooke says:

          Is that sushi? Or lightly fried?

          And remember, cockroaches, and lobsters, need our love as well.

          • positricity says:

            Stir-fried / sauteed, with snow peas and rice. It could have used MSG and a liberal amount of soy sauce. For a time afterward, anything crunchy in Asian food would cause an unpleasant reaction in me.

            I'd take practically any other source of protein over a cockroach. For a Westerner, it's really hard to chew and swallow one when you know what you're eating.

            Even though the roach I ate had been raised in captivity and thus was not a "dirty" pest, it took significant effort to try to eat the thing. Ah, conditioning.

            I didn't have that problem with other insects I've been served. Bee larvae, for example, are like really excellent shrimp. I'll pretty much try anything once, as long as it isn't going to hurt me.

  13. king_mob says:

    I got sick after having lobster in Maine a couple years back. (Not the lobster's fault, I was still getting over something else and made the mistake of mixing booze with antibiotics.)

    Since then lobster doesn't sound good, sadly.

  14. elliterati says:

    My roommate for my senior year of college was a talented chef. One day he found a recipe for Drunken Lobster, which involved sauteing the lobster in single malt scotch. Being fans of both seafood and booze, this seemed like a fantastic idea to both of us.

    The recipe suggested not killing the lobster until just before putting them in the pan, and illustrated the recommended method, which basically involved sticking a big knife in the back of its head.

    So we got some live lobsters (which came in Dunkin Donuts Munchkin containers - nice touch), brought them home, and fired up the stove. My roommate grabbed the first lobster, put it on the cutting board, and BAM - jammed the knife in the lobster, leaving it upright in the back of its head. He then turned around to the frying pan.

    A couple seconds later, he returned to the lobster, pulled the knife out, and the lobster started crawling off the cutting board.

    He grabbed the thing by the tail, pulled it back on the cutting board, and stuck the knife in its head again. The lobster kept trying to walk off the board, but couldn't, because the knife had gone entirely through it, into the wood.

    My roommate reached for the bottle of scotch, took a long swig, and then proceeded to cut the lobster in half, the next step of the recipe.

    Now there were two separate halves of lobster, trying to walk but failing, since, well, they were halves...

    Screw it, I threw the twitching halves into the pan, poured the scotch on top and the resulting spout of flame set the ceiling on fire...

    One fire extinguisher later, and after some more (much less dramatic) cooking, dinner was served. Every bite was filled with guilt.

    Delicious, savory, melt-in-your-mouth guilt.

    It was so worth it.

  15. 205guy says:


    I think the way to play around here is to ask "when will you get one for the DNA lounge." The distributor is promising profitability...

    I like how the version invented by the whacky Japanese is called "Marine catcher" and the one for American markets is called "Love Maine Lobster Claw" in a sad attempt at engrish.

  16. Are you familiar with lobster sashimi? Also comes in frog and tentacle variety.

  17. jesus_x says:

    "Here are the new death machines."

    This is what I want to hear spoken but hot models in skimpy clothing at the next CES or Detroit Auto Show.

  18. heresiarch says:

    ethical quibblings notwithstanding, that's CHEATING. taking apart a freshly boiled lobstah is half the fun. it's just that much more rewarding to get to the juicy tail meats when you've cracked the damn thing open yourself, carefully scooped out the eggs and liver, and cleaned off the tasty parts. and there's nothing quite like sucking out the meat from the little legs. feels like you've actually accomplished something when you had to work for it.

    mmm, lobster.