Transportation Safety Administration Rules on Helper Monkeys

Monkey Helpers:

  • When a monkey is being transported in a carrier, the monkey must be removed from the carrier by the handler prior to screening,
  • The monkey must be controlled by the handler throughout the screening process.

  • The monkey handler should carry the monkey through the WTMD while the monkey remains on a leash.

  • When the handler and monkey go through the WTMD and the WTMD alarms, both the handler and the monkey must undergo additional screening.

  • Since monkeys may likely draw attention, the handler will be escorted to the physical inspection area where a table is available for the monkey to sit on. Only the handler will touch or interact with the monkey.

  • TSOs have been trained to not touch the monkey during the screening process.

  • TSOs will conduct a visual inspection on the monkey and will coach the handler on how to hold the monkey during the visual inspection.

  • The inspection process may require that the handler take off the monkey's diaper as part of the visual inspection.

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at least we're in good company

Previously.

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I assume it's because he's such a huge fan of The Cure

George Bush reads The Stranger

His aides will not tell us what he made of the story of a remorseless killer of Arabs. White House spokesman Tony Snow said Bush "found it an interesting book and a quick read" and talked about it with aides. "I don't want to go too deep into it, but we discussed the origins of existentialism," said Snow. [...] This may be the first time that national security demands an official version of literary criticism. We want a book report!
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tough titty

Breast implants save Israeli woman

One Israeli woman has received an unexpected boost from her breast implants during the Lebanon war -- the silicone embeds saved her life during a Hezbollah rocket attack, a doctor said today.

"The young woman went through surgery two years ago to have a larger chest," he said. "During the war she was wounded in the chest by shrapnel" that got stuck in the implants instead of penetrating further.

The woman did not emerge from her ordeal completely unscathed, however. "The shrapnel was removed but the implant had to be replaced," Govrin said.

Previously.

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I, for one, welcome the new Atomic Aquamen

Navy Chief Submerges 2,000 Feet, Sets Record

A Navy diver submerged 2,000 feet, setting a record using the new Atmospheric Diving System (ADS) suit, off the coast of La Jolla, Calif., Aug. 1.

The ADS suit was designed and acquired by the Navy to support submarine rescue. "Its specific purpose is to be part of the advance assessment system during a submarine rescue operation," said Lehnhardt. "The diver in the suit will see what the damage to the sub is and find out where the survivors might be."

"The suit worked incredibly," said Jackson. "It did everything it was intended to do. I always heard that around 1,300 feet, the joints of the Hardsuit 2000 would work even better, and it worked exactly the way they said it would. [...] At 2,000 feet, I had topside turn off all the lights, and it was like a star show. The phosphorescence that was naturally in the water and in most of the sea life down there started to glow," Jackson said. "When I started to travel back up, all the lights looked like a shower of stars going down as I was coming up. It was the best ride in the world."

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big heads

This is upsetting.

Scene missing! A video that used to be embedded in this post has disappeared. If you know of a copy of this video that is still accessible, please mail me so that I can update the link.
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"Wow, Owls!"

Your Band Name Sucks: 50 of the Inexcusably Worst.

(Normally lists like this do not bring the funny.
This, I think, brought the funny.
CAVEAT: I am, at this time, drunk.
YMMV.)

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scanning

Stupid computers. Dear Lazyweb, I'm scanning prints now, using a borrowed Epson Perfection 1670 (and Intel iMac). What's the easiest software to use for this (that doesn't cost money)?

I'm using the Epson Scan plugin for Photoshop now, but it makes Photoshop crash about one time in five. It also means a lot of clicking (defaults to saving as PSD instead of JPEG every time; makes me type each file name instead of it just incrementing a number).

The standalone Epson Scan program crashes at startup.

Apple's Image Capture program makes me manually select the crop region every time, plus pick the file name. And it doesn't do dust removal, and seems to scan too light.

Other options?

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Porn Star Republican Governor versus Dominatrix Democrat Governor: FIGHT!

Las Vegas Weekly:

If it seems odd for a porn star who supports the rights of exotic dancers and prostitutes to run as a Republican, Damayo insists that she supports the party, [...] Before her candidacy, Damayo volunteered heavily in the 2004 campaign; she's also treasurer of the local Asian Republican Party. "I'm not the typical ideological Republican," she adds.

She's also not the only gubernatorial candidate with a background in the adult industry. Leola McConnell, who's running as a Democrat, is better known to some as "Mistress Lee," a dominatrix (or "domina," as she prefers to be called) who gained some notoriety when she claimed to have spent time with prominent Republican William Bennett. She also recently issued a press release alleging that she personally witnessed George W. Bush perform a "homosexual act" in 1984.

McConnell, who bills herself as a "liberal Democrat," refused to be interviewed for any story featuring Melody Damayo. "I don't seek attention of that kind or even the most remote connection to that in the slightest," she said in an e-mail. McConnell also pulled out of a recent NPR appearance because Damayo was set to appear on the same program.

Lest we forget, prior art.

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"Where's my jetpack?" Here's your damned jetpack.

The Rocketbelt Convention, Sep 23-24.
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  • Previously