cock knocker

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36 Responses:

  1. gfish says:

    Aw man. All the good ideas are taken.

  2. ex_sonjaaa says:

    Crush the brain instead of chop the head off. I guess it kills them faster.

    • snitrocket says:

      It also provides a handle to solve the running around, fountaining blood issue that your forbears had to suffer through. Better living through brain smashing!

      • saighin says:

        But that's the best part!

        *mutters something about taking away all her fun*

      • clearly the problem with this is that you can only kill one at a time. We really need something like this.

      • babynutcase says:

        Are you sure? If a chicken will run around with its head cut off why wouldn't it run around with its head smashed? Plus the foutain of blood? Well maybe the blood comes out slower? In any case don't the drain the carcass of blood anyway? I guess it might be less of a mess.

        Seems the problem of how to prevent the chicken running around with its head cut off was solved a long time ago by factory farms where they hand the chicken by its feet upside-down and run it through a machine that cuts off the head.

        This is why the crushing tool is more humane. It's too terrifying to die hanging upside-down.

        • snitrocket says:

          If a chicken will run around with its head cut off why wouldn't it run around with its head smashed?

          Because you're holding on to it with a massive pair of pliers you just used to crush its spicy brain?

          It's too terrifying to die hanging upside-down.

          I think I've found a phrase I'd tattoo on myself, if only I knew for sure I'd never wind up in prison.

  3. carus_erus says:

    What a lovely crunching noise that must make.

    You can hear it in your head now, can't you...

  4. chuck_lw says:

    Dammit. I wanted to make an endless supply of Mike the Headless Chickens.

  5. saighin says:

    Is it so wrong that I'm thinking of ways to use that as a sex toy?

  6. mcgroarty says:

    It's interesting that the handle is so short -- that wouldn't offer much leverage. Is there so little protection between the mouth and the cranium?

    • phoenixredux says:

      I'm betting that it's plenty of leverage, if you have big farmer hands accustomed to such manual labor. The skull of a chicken isn't so thick that you'd meet that much resistance with a tool like this. It might take some practice, but after a few violent flappers/blood squirters, you'd get the hang of it.

      This reminds me - time for dinner!

    • cdavies says:

      Their bones are designed to be lightweight, if their bones were as dense as land based animals they couldn't fly. Never mind that chickens in general can't fly... Anyway, just consider how many birds kill themselves by flying in to windows.

      Also, there seems to be a misinterpretation that it crushes the skull, it looks to me like a blade rather than a blunt instrument. Maybe designed to cut the brainstem, or arteries or something?

  7. valacosa says:

    I get the feeling that the picture makes using the tool look a whole lot easier than it is.

  8. crasch says:

    I'd feel an irrestible urge to quote Roy Batty each time I used that thing.

  9. msjen says:

    Guess what? NOT VEGAN. ;)

  10. carbonunit says:

    Good idea. The remnants of crushed brain would prevent the random firing of the spinal cord which causes the running. I used to know a farmer expert in killing chickens, his secret was to chop through the centre of the head. The small portion of brain still attached to the neck would damp down the spastic twitching which makes them run, and there would be less blood as well.

  11. lordshell says:

    What the bloody hell?

    How do you keep finding this stuff?!

  12. Wonder if it comes in bigger sizes...

    • lohphat says:

      You can't get Republicans to put things into their mouths easily and their thick skulls would prove difficult for a single squeeze crunchy.

      Now baby fur seals are another question...

  13. zompist says:

    From the box illustration, you have to insert one end into the chicken's mouth. How cooperative is the chicken likely to be? Perhaps you have to train all your chickens to chomp down on shiny metal tools?

  14. My grandma used to fill her apron with feed, start scattering it, look around at the chickens as they rushed towards her, grab the one that wasn't laying enough eggs lately by the neck, and, with a quick circular jerk, SNAP the neck, and stuff the chicken in her apron pocket for frying up and makin' down pillows with. Yee haw!
    That's how the coffee bean plantations in Colombia rocked it, I'm sure that's how many a farm lady anywhere rocked it...

  15. suppafly says:

    safe
    sure
    easy

    fun!