fucking vespas.

Make Way for The Sidewalk SUV

On a recent afternoon at Walt Disney World, Dennis Robles was cruising around on an electric "mobility scooter" that the park usually rents out to people with disabilities. Mr. Robles doesn't have a problem walking -- he says he was simply saving up energy for late-night dancing.

"I'm pretty healthy," says the 37-year-old truck driver from Brooklyn, N.Y. "Just lazy, I guess."

[...] When scooter demand outstrips supply at Wal-Mart, greeters "evaluate the situation" and make sure that people using the scooters can demonstrate a legitimate need, according to a company spokesman.

[...] Some entrepreneurs are starting to push the vehicles as bicycles without the pedaling.

Tags: ,

26 Responses:

  1. Honestly what bugs me is when I see fat people using the scooters. God forbid you get any actual exercise and become less horrifically fat.

    My mom had fairly degenerative MS to the point where she wasn't able to walk reliably on her own, even with a cane or walker, so we wound up making use of scooters quite a bit. Nothing makes me want to punch people in the neck more than someone tooling around on them who doesn't actually need it.

    • jabberwokky says:

      My little brother was about 24 and had to use one for a few weeks. From the outside, he looked normal, but he had just recently suffered a series of heart attacks due to an infection of the lining of his heart.

      It was interesting watching people's reactions. Pretty much everybody looked pissed off or scoffing, assuming he was just joyriding. This was many years ago, but they've been pretty common in Florida for awhile.

      • artlung says:

        Maybe we need a scarlet "H" or something for folks who are legitimately handicapped but who appear to be normal or "just fat" or malingerers. That way, when people get all resentful about using the affordances due them, that way, the neck punchers will chill the fuck out. A friend of mine was dangerously overweight, plus had health problems including a ruptured spinal disk, so she needed a wheelchair while she recovered. She got look from people assuming they know better.

  2. Hmm... Wal-Mart sells shotguns, don't they? I'd say it's time to hit the sporting aisles, make a quick purchase, and see how quick you can get those fuckers to abandon their carts and run for the hills :-)

    Bonus points for yelling: "Shop smart, shop S-Mart!" while doing so.

  3. baconmonkey says:

    soon the american brains-in-jars will become obese too.

  4. lushlush says:

    In the last year, Pride has super-sized models like the Maxima and introduced the Celebrity-X, to keep up with the increase in obesity.

    Is it any wonder?

  5. usufructer says:

    I ran into this group on Nicollet Island in Minneapoils, almost literally because they were driving on the road but not paying any attention.

    Its for that upper class of lazy people, ones who can stand. Seventy bucks a head, and dorky helmets too.

    • httf says:

      Oh but those are kind of cool, I've always thought. You move them by shifting your center of gravity. Granted, I've never seen packs of them. The users look delightfully dorky in the photos on that site. They look like the kind of people that wear fanny packs.

      I recently saw a guy at Berkeley Bowl tooling around on the motorized shopping cart for handicapped people. He was wearing goggles and a welder's mask (tilted up on his head, so as not to block the goggles) and a full on Max-Fischer-of-Rushmore style velvet suit. He was listening to his iPod and rapping out loud (in Korean and English) presumably along with the music, though I googled the English lyrics and couldn't find them anywhere, which is unfortunate, they were nonsensical, offensive and hilarious. I don't know if anyone here's ever waited in line at BB, but it's a long, cramped experience, so this guy was basically in the middle of a crowd of people who couldn't go away because they were waiting in lines. He continued to rap loudly all the way through his purchase and out the door. The best part about it was that nobody said anything to him or to anyone else about it. They just glanced worriedly at him.

      He got out of the scooter outside and went to his car. Maybe he was just too high to walk? The whole thing made me pretty happy. Felt like I got my money's worth of The Berkeley Bowl Experience.

  6. pdx6 says:

    When I was on a family vacation at Disneyland a few months ago, I was amazed by how many fat people were on scooters. I couldn't quite figure it out, if you are fat, shouldn't you try walking more? The best explanation I could think of to myself was perhaps they had gotten so fat and developed complications from diabetes, so now they couldn't get around without them.

    ...or they just didn't want to wait in line for the rides.

  7. korgmeister says:

    "I'm pretty healthy," says the 37-year-old truck driver from Brooklyn, N.Y.

    Not for much longer if you can't even be arsed walking.

    I lost a great deal of my own fat-bastardness by walking, it's a good excercise for fat bastards.

    Some entrepreneurs are starting to push the vehicles as bicycles without the pedaling.

    Bicycles are meant to be used on the road.

  8. vxo says:

    Hmmm... that sounds rather promising, for those of us who play with robotics (or want to do so, at least)... it'll eventually mean a lot of nice heavy-duty gearmotor and wheel assemblies easily available from junked Jabba The Hutt transporters.

    I refuse to join the chairbound masses... instead, I prefer to have the machinery to destroy them, should they ever become a threat...

  9. ivan_ghandhi says:

    At Google every other lazy engineer later for a meeting in the opposite end of the campus rides a scooter.

  10. babynutcase says:

    Is it being driven by fuel efficiency?

  11. Now that the need to walk has been eliminated, perhaps they can go to work on taking the physical exertion out of sex.

  12. fantasygoat says:

    You missed the best line in the whole article.

    "Now waiting on line at the buffet is no problem," she says. "You just sit there."

    How much longer until the Chinese invade and take control just by pushing all the fat, atropied-legged Americans over like Weebles?

    • edlang says:

      How much longer until the Chinese invade and take control just by pushing all the fat, atropied-legged Americans over like Weebles?

      Or by changing all the power outlets in the homes of the scooter-enabled to CPCS-CCC sockets.

    • benediktus says:


      How much longer until the Chinese invade and take control just by pushing all the fat, atropied-legged Americans over like Weebles?

      ..and the darwin award 2006 goes to.....*add ominous jingle here* ....

  13. They're like trailer park Segways!