Full Body Teleportation System

United States Patent Application: 0060071122

  1. A full body teleportation system consisting of: generating a pulsed gravitational wave which propagates through a magnetic vortex wormhole generator; and generating a wormhole with the magnetic vortex generator whereby the pulsed gravitational wave traverses through the wormhole and enters into hyperspace where the wave is enormously magnified due to the lower speed of light in that dimension.
  2. The method of claim 1, wherein the step of generating the pulsed gravitational wave comprises: using two granite stone obelisks; mounting monochromatic-wave toroidal waveguides on top of each obelisk to create a rotating, twisting, propagating gravitational wave through the vertical axis of each obelisk; and creating a cylindrical compression and expansion in each obelisk to produce a plane gravitational wave traveling down the centerline between the two obelisks. [...]

    [0009] Referring to FIG. 5, each vortex is connected through the pineal gland by light cords to a separate hyperspace quantum well having its own frequency and dimension. The reason for this separation is that the conical spiritual eye, attached to vortex B, has to have its own energy structure which is different from vortex (A) which is connected to the quantum energy field in which the mental processes are developed. Due to the high speed of light in our dimension, the quantum wells are the size appropriate to molecules and atoms. In hyperspace, where the speed of light is one meter per second, the quantum wells are huge and can be manipulated. This manipulation has shown that the quantum wells are in the shape of a cube about a meter on a side. This makes the whole structure about seven meters tall for a volume of seven cubic meters. [...]

    The question is how does this amplified gravitational wave created by the rotating propellers and turbines get into hyperspace from our dimension? [0010] The answer comes from experiments done using the ancient Chinese form of breathing known as Chi Kung. Using this breathing technique, we have been able to levitate the human body over six feet in the air. [...]

    [0018] From experiments with cavitating bubbles (see patent application Cavitating Oil Hyperspace Energy Generator), it was found that it is possible to produce a wormhole if the surfaces of the bubble collapse asymmetrically. [...] Due to some General Relativity considerations, the wormhole that is created starts rotating in a manner similar to the beacon light produced by a lighthouse. [...]

    [0022] Referring to FIG. 11, a magnetic vortex wormhole generator has already been developed which generates a wormhole between space and hyperspace as described in a previous patent application entitled Magnetic Vortex Wormhole Generator. Using this generator, it was found that smoke blown through one side of the coil does not appear on the other side of cylindrical coil. The smoke flows through the wormhole and appears in a hyperspace co-dimension. It was this experiment that resulted in making first contact with the androids of the Grey aliens who told me, in a remote viewing session, that "We saw you blowing smoke into hyperspace." [...]

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18 Responses:

  1. bassfingers says:

    And just an hour ago I was thinking to myself that I needed to get a copy of Cheapass Games U.S. Patent Number 1. This cinches it.

  2. gfish says:

    Man, now all I can wonder is why I don't have a patent or two.

  3. moof says:

    Where does the Time Cube fit in?

  4. abigailb says:

    i want some of that smoke.

  5. Clearly horse hockey. If someone had a patent on matter transportation it would be Domino's.

  6. fantasygoat says:

    We saw you blowing smoke into hyperspace.

    Greatest pickup line ever.

  7. fieldsnyc says:

    Obviously, the half-body teleportation system didn't test well in the focus groups.

  8. pozorvlak says:

    Surely there's prior art somewhere in Doctor Who's back-catalogue?

  9. Shit. It's already patented.

    Nick throws away his work

    This is why I should check prior art more often.

  10. davel_jonez says:

    Imagine the glory hole possibilities of a less-than-full-body teleportation system.

  11. nelc says:

    How the hell did this guy steal my idea?

  12. zompist says:

    If only the Patent Office still required you to submit working models, we could see this thing in action.