What Would Jesus Drive?

Thursday, April 27, 2006, clergy from around the Washington, DC and MD area will gather in downtown DC to pray for the lowering of gas prices.
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19 Responses:

  1. sc00ter says:

    Hopefully they car pool

  2. kfringe says:

    Once more we see the efficacy of prayer.

  3. mark242 says:

    Life has become an Onion article.

  4. gfish says:

    Huh. I think I'm learning to enjoy future shock.

  5. warmenhoven says:

    "The assumption that Jesus would not drive an SUV may be false. After all, Jesus was always accompanied by 12 Apostles and other disciples, what better and more efficient way to convey this large entourage than in a big SUV. It would be easier to preach a sermon on a mount if you didn't have to walk up the mountain. As for not being showy, when Jesus comes again he will come in full power and glory, so, again, the SUV makes more scriptural sense here."


  6. baconmonkey says:

    "Dear all seeing, all knowing god who has a master plan for everything and everyone,
    You may not have noticed this, but gas prices are pretty high down here in the US. Ok, so they're nothing compared to the prices in the entire rest of the world, but that's besides the point because, remember, here in the US we are your chosen people. So we all were wondering if you could see fit to alter you master plan a little bit, and convince all those heretical false-religion A-rabs (who you in your infinite wisdom saw fit to give all the oil) to lower the prices of gasoline here in the god-fearing U. S. of A. - or at least in the red states.
    love, all the crazy fundamentalists who consistanly make you look bad"

  7. korgmeister says:

    Oh great. So now they think prayer can overcome the basic principles of economics.

    Dear Religious right,

    Please stop making my religion look stupid.

    Yours in Christ,

  8. recursive says:

    I think I'll just go pray for my stock positions to do excellently.

  9. ichicolco says:

    Yeah, like God gives a shit (can I say that in your journal?) about gas prices. Heaven forbid they do something useful, like admonish the oil execs who are at fault, or pray for the end of hostilities in Iraq.

    • rodgerd says:

      How, exactly, are "oil execs" at fault? What part of, "on the downward side of consuming a non-renewable resource" don't you understand?

      • pozorvlak says:

        Lying about the size of their reserves for all these years so that people aren't prepared for oil getting more expensive?

        Though such is the power of denial, I expect people would still be driving Hummers if the oil industry had been screaming about Peak Oil since the seventies. For my "favourite" piece of fingers-in-the-ears Peak Oil denial, see this entry from ESR's blog.

      • ichicolco says:

        What part of, "another quarter of record profits" don't YOU understand? Are you actually naive enough to say it's *NOT* the execs' fault that every quarter is a new record for oil company profits? Highest profits ever of any company ever in the history of the United States my ASS.

        Increasing gas prices due to dwindling oil supply != increasing profits. I can accept the former. I cannot accept the latter, nor can I blame anyone but the execs as to the reason for the latter.

        When I read about how oil companies just don't know what to do with their excess liquid assets, I get pissed off. Here's an idea - reduce the price of gas. Of course, in our laizze-faire economic model, and under a president who believes that corporations can do no wrong and Americans are all idiots, that's not going to happen. Here's another. Buy farmlands and grow the raw materials for biofuel - and build refineries to produce said biofuel - so we can *gasp* reduce our dependency on said non-renewable resources and enjoy a new age of a renewable resources with a cleaner environment. Profits will still be made. Oxygen output will increase. Carbon dioxide will decrease. Farmlands will be utilized instead of subsidized to sit fallow. Farmers will be gainfully employed. Illegal wars won't need to be fought for oil. Oil execs will still get their 9-digit retirement packages.

        • pozorvlak says:

          Unfortunately, biofuels suffer from some serious serious problems of their own: essentially, providing for our (ie, Europe's) present transport needs would consume five times as much arable land as actually exists on the continent. Dunno what the ratio is in the US, but you get the idea. Oh, and the cheapest form of oil crop is palm trees, which are very environmentally damaging to plant.

          Sadly, I don't think fuel-efficient transport is gonna take off until petrol gets a lot more expensive than it is now :-(

        • fantasygoat says:

          I hear the record profit thing trumpeted about all the time, but if you look at the profit ratio percentage the oil companies make, it hasn't changed much in 5 years - it hovers around 10%, often much lower.

          That says their margins are thin and they make it up on volume.

          So the solution is to stop buying so much gas.

          • wfaulk says:

            No, they've dramatically decreased their debt holdings and increased their stock dividends. So they're keeping more of that money in their own hands instead of being moved around in the banking industry (I'm up in the air about whether that's a good or bad thing, but, regardless, it means they have much lower expenditures) and then paying their stockholders more money. While I've not done a lot of research into who holds stock in oil companies, I'm betting that the vast majority are the people who are making these decisions to begin with.

            Anyway, to sum it up, yes, oil companies aren't making much more money than they were before, but that's merely because they're giving it all away to their investors before it reaches the company's bottom line.

            • quikchange says:

              I don't know about that... If you look at ESSO's Income Statement for Q4 of 2005 you will se that it only gave out about a 12th of its income as dividends.