I know you've all been kicking yourselves trying to figure out what to get me for Christmas, so I thought I'd help you out with this list. I know it's a little late, but I can wait.

If you really loved me, you'd get me:

  • A Lament Configuration ("Box of Sorrows", of course.)
  • A Space Suit of some kind (actual spaceworthiness not required.)
  • A Nixie Clock.
  • A Hypnowheel.
  • A Trebuchet or Mangonel.
  • A Ball Sucker.
  • A 360 degree panoramic lens, with Canon 35mm SLR mount.
  • A MAME cabinet or Millipede conversion controller.
  • A complete set of MAME ROMs, since most of my favorite games don't work in the copy I have now.
  • A 128K Apple Macintosh ("M0001", not a 512K Fat Mac!) I have one, but the monitor is dead and I can't be bothered to figure out whether it's repairable...

  • Volume Magazine, issues 5 - 17. (This was a jewel-case-sized British magazine from the early 90s that came with a compilation CD. It had a lot of good stuff, but I only ever found the first 4 issues.) Score! Thank you, Santa! I now have the music portion of all issues except 5, 7, and 11. (But, I would still like to read the magazine portions, so if anyone is willing to part with those, I'd still love to have them!)

  • "One Step Ahead of the Spider" by MC 900 Foot Jesus (either CD or MP3s; it's out of print.) Score! Thank you, Santa!

  • Vinyl records: "Playback" by SSQ and "Trans-Atlantic" by Jon St. James. I got an itch to listen to these a while back, only to find that my copies are scratched into oblivion.

  • DVD or Laserdisc of "Home of the Brave" by Laurie Anderson. (It was never released on DVD, and the VHS version was recorded in mono, so it sounds like the LD release is the one to have.) I finally found a torrent of a rip of the LD in 2008.

  • DVD, LD, or VHS of "ZTT: The Value of Entertainment (Time Capsule Version): a 1985 concert film featuring every Zang Tuum Tumb artist except Frankie." (VHS: "1986 UK, ZTT The Video Label/PMV; 041453-2"; LD: "1986 JP, PolyGram MusicVideo; SM058-3082".)

  • An Underwood Standard Typewriter from the 20s or 30s, in good repair. My lovely girlfriend got me one of these, but it doesn't type very well, and my attempts at repairing it have so far only made it worse. (Goal is to turn it into a USB keyboard.)

That address again:
    Jamie Zawinski
    c/o DNA Lounge
    375 Eleventh Street
    San Francisco, CA 94103

Thank you in advance, it's just what I've always wanted!

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40 Responses:

  1. ammutbite says:

    mc 900n ft Jesus? What a sweet nostalgic fladhback...him and dj zero tearing up the club with "straight to heaven"... man, I feel old.

    • taffer says:

      I found one torrent for MC 900 Ft. Jesus and it seems to have no seeds. Dammit.

      allofmp3.com has it, but I don't really trust sending my credit card info into Russia.

      iTunes only has Welcome to my Dream and Hell With the Lid Off.

      • fantasygoat says:

        Off-topic, but I gave them my Paypal Mastercard number and downloaded like ten albums. It worked perfectly and seems legitimate enough, and I never have much of a balance on the MC anyway so it's fine.

      • xomox says:

        I've never had a problem with the service, or the card used, in the years I've been subscribed to them. That is even where I originally got this album. That is, after having lost it on cassette a lifetime ago.

        Jamie, check your mail.

      • quercus says:

        I don't really trust sending my credit card info into Russia
        That's the great thing about these Ukrainian download sites - they already have your card details on file.

      • transgress says:

        $12000+ for the replica spacesuit, yea ill get right on that.

  2. g_na says:

    Wow, I never knew the history of that box before. That makes it all the more cool. (That's my favourite horror movie, as well!)

    Do the real, working boxes still exist? If so. I'm sure they cost a fortune :/

    • ammutbite says:

      sorry to dispell the pretty fantasy of a personal visit from the crew with the "overwhelming scent of vanilla"...but there has never been a "working" version. the movie used several different boxes which could be shifted along one of the axis, and created a series of more than one movement through the magic of editing.The site is a well-done tribute, and uses elements of presentation in line with the mythology. Sorry if this offends, but that's no different than asking for a course catalog from Miskatonik U. and then trying to get a response from their financial aid dept.

      • g_na says:

        Well, by "working," I, of course, meant "working musical puzzle boxes," as the site jwz linked to expressly states the "replicas are not musical nor are they working puzzles."

        You're pretty pretentious to assume that just because one asks if a working box exists, that they are speaking of a fictional box that calls beings from another dimension, from a fantastical horror movie. Get real.

        • ammutbite says:

          My only mistake was in believing that laying on the "mystical" nonsense would be obvious as a stylistic effect, in keeping with the original website's advertisements. I am not so much an idiot to believe you are idiot enough to be searching for an actual C.Barker plot device. I believe that the statement about "working" boxes on the artist site refers to the very same fact I mentioned, that the film used up to eight separate prop pieces to create a sequence of the box "working" mechanically (not metaphysically).Apparently, I should avoid potentially offensive stylistics until the tongue in cheek emoticon comes into being

  3. gytterberg says:

    Nixie wristwatch OMFG! Time to learn to solder shit.

  4. greyhame says:

    Should anyone feel like building Jamie a Nixie clock, this fellow put together a pretty nice looking project, and has some very good schematics up. Looks like the tubes can be a bit hard to get hold of, though.

    • quercus says:

      It's 20 years since I wrote 6502 code. No fecking way am I touching one of those register-starved germanium-and-sawdust abominations again.

      • yakko says:

        Oh come on! There's no other CPU arch I've ever been able to wrap my head around. Hell, today's been spent getting CC65 to do what I want, so I don't have to use MERLIN-8's editor anymore. :o)

  5. quercus says:

    Pah! Some of us have already built our own trebuchets, mangonels and nixie clock.

  6. crazy4cats says:

    * An Underwood Standard Typewriter from the 20s or 30s, in good repair.

    Dude, my husband and I found one curbside. An old, decrepit house was being renovated and the sellers were getting rid of stuff. They left it outside; we lugged it home. Best find ever. Good luck in your search.

    Sorry, but, I don't really love you. Maybe by next year....

  7. irishmasms says:

    Good to see you & your better half out at the Krave Lounge club in Vegas last night.

    I am more than willing to give you some CDR's with all the ROMs I have, if you are still in town...

  8. strspn says:

    I've been trying to acquire a 1950s Detectron brand uranium prospecting geiger counter. I've bid on a handful but some colector who probably sells them for $120 to tourists in Utah has better eBay bid-bot software than I do.

    • jwz says:

      Neat. <lj user="netik"> gave me one of these that he got off eBay, but I don't have the funny-shaped battery it wants.

      • strspn says:

        That is a CDV-715, which is designed to measure fallout after a nuclear attack. It has an internal tube for detecting gamma rays only, which means it won't register any alpha or beta radiation from e.g. uranium or radium glow-in-the-dark paint. It takes an ordinary "D" cell, but your description indicates that you are missing the removable battery box, so you would have to solder in a D cell holder from Radio Shack. It's probably worth about $10.

        • jwz says:

          Cool, I didn't know it was D cell. I hadn't looked into it because I knew that it was of the "if the needle moves at all, you're already dead" variety...

          • strspn says:

            You may be able to notice a difference between sea level and 30,000 feet on the lowest setting, but that depends so much on what's in the airplane that I can't say for sure.

      • jkonrath says:

        I have the same thing - I'm trying to figure out if there's a way to cut down a Mac Mini or some uPC board to fit in there, but I'm too lazy to do it this second. It is a regular D battery in there, though.

  9. Ah, I see you figured out the secret of harnessing fanboy energy.

  10. krick says:

    The last time I burned a complete MAME ROM set, it was for version 0.92 and it filled up 10 DVD-ROMs, mainly because of the CHD files.

    I've downloaded all the updates off of eMule but haven't assembled my version 0.102 set yet but I'd be willing to bet that it's probably up to 12 DVD-ROMs.

    • jwz says:

      Holy shit, that's a lot of ROMs! But realistically, there's probably only two dozen I care about, and those were between the years 1980 and 1992.

      • greatbiggary says:

        When MAME exhausted all its .99 variants and updates, it went to .100. I guess 1.0 won't happen until all ROMs work properly. Some stats of .100b (as of 10/12/05 for me, they're currently on .102):

        5803 ROMs = 11.9GB (in zipped split sets)
        62 CHDs = 29.1GB

        MAME32 is a frontend that's helpful as an information source, even with no roms. I believe you can point it to your mame.exe and it pulls in all the data, then allowing you to click on a very large number of filtering options, like working/non-working, various levels of malfunctioning (bad color, no sound, poor sound, etc), genre, control type (dual stick, light gun, stick w/ 1/2/3/4/5/etc buttons, and so on through every known kind) monitor orientation, vector/raster, year (including 197?, 19??, etc style years), manufacturer, clock speed (absurdly complete list), CPU, and the list goes on. The binary seems to require joining something these days, but the source is still available.

  11. transgress says:

    you should sell endorsements.

    "I'm Jamie Zawinski and I approve of this message"

  12. baconmonkey says:

    what, no robot monkey head?

    • jwz says:

      I'm pretty sure that's what my mom is getting me. But hey, you can never have too many.

      • baconmonkey says:

        "so Jamie, what do you want for christmas this year?"
        -"a red ryder BB gun with a compass in the stock"
        "you'll shoot your eye out, do you want anything else?"
        -"how about a disembodied cyborg monkey head?"
        "no problem."

  13. flipzagging says:

    One time I was at the DNA Lounge, I thought I saw a bouncer carrying one of those ultra-boingy pogo sticks backstage. Yours?

  14. usufructer says:

    A space suit for an emu would be cooler.

    Do you do a Yuri's Night party at DNA Lounge?

  15. tfofurn says:

    No nixie goodness here, but you might still enjoy the clocks of Barry Gamble. I have an Alien II and an Omichron II, and I can vouch for the quality.

    • jwz says:

      Oh wow, when I was a kid, one of my friend's parents had that Aurora clock -- I spent hours staring into that thing! It was so awesome. Flashback! Flashback!

  16. You probably just need to solder a contact on the logic board. Its a pretty easy fix. We used to have to re-solder the same spot every year or so on those things. Also you'll need a long Torx(sp?) wrench to open it.

  17. Holy shit, is that MC 900 Ft Jesus CD out of print? I never should have sold mine back to Amoeba...

    As a side note, you wouldn't happen to know where to get a typewriter ribbon for a Winston, would you?

  18. autopope says:

    I'm pretty sure I have a couple of issues of VOLUME magazine (and the CDs) -- not earlier than issue 6, not later than issue 16. Bad news is, they're in a plastic box full of CDs under a stack of other plastic boxes full of CDs, behind a suitcase, a dead hammer drill, an automatic cat feeding machine, several dead computers, and a thick layer of dust -- all on top of the storage mezzanine in my office. Good news is, I have an urgent feeling that several disks in the case box are not in my iTunes music library and I need to re-rip them.

  19. danfraser says:

    If you find "Home of the Brave" please let me know! I'm looking for a good quality version of this (not VHS)... I remember seeing it many times as a young person at the rep cinema in my hometown when it came out. I'd love to see it again.

    I saw End of the Moon performed in Toronto last year... wow. amazing.