"Dear Industrial Music..."

So, a few years back, something that would happen pretty regularly is that purple_b and I would be out at a goth club and he'd say to me, "hey, what song is this?" to which I would always respond, "I don't know, VNV Nation."

I thought it was obvious that this was my code for, "What, you mean this bullshit progressive-house track with MC Monotone droning on over it? It sucks ass and I don't know or care."

Turns out it wasn't obvious: purple_b ended up buying every VNV Nation album looking for the song or songs he kept asking me about!

And with that, I bring you the most awesome idea in the history of awesome ideas! an "EBM Party" which will feature only songs by VNV Nation, Covenant, Icon of Coil, Apikachu Berserk and Assemblage VNV! The comments are priceless:

    "That's damn close to a nightmare come true."

    "Don't those five bands get beat to death in every club already?"
    "I would pay good money to see those bands beaten to death at a club."

    "It is negative people like you that continue to drag the entire goth/industrial into the ground."

    "But think how easy it will be to beat match!"

    "It's a bold move of you to make hosting a night like that"
    "Dude, what the hell are you talking about? Playing the safest possible music is bold?"

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53 Responses:

  1. baconmonkey says:

    I thought that the whole point of the goth industrial scene was negative people.

  2. roseredcity says:

    that's so awesome

  3. that is seriously full of the best threads of ALL TIME.

    breaking up is so, SO hard to DO!

  4. jerronimo says:

    Apikachu Berserk

    AHAHAHAHAHHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHHAHAHA

    oh man... that's awesome.

    (I actually like Apop... that just cracks me up!)

  5. rasp_utin says:

    This club night is proof that there is no god. Also, it makes the baby jesus cry.

  6. fantasygoat says:

    Ha! I moderate the <lj user=toronto> community and that asshole posts his shit parties there all the time. And no one goes.

    Maybe he thinks this will help, but I doubt it.

    • ioerror says:

      Small world.

      • fantasygoat says:

        Yeah, no kidding.

        But really, given the sad state of goth culture in Toronto, this is no surprise.

        • ...the sad state of goth culture...

          How else should it be?

          Every "goth scene" is, and always has been, just a bunch of nerds with Magic cards and a penchant for The Wrong Kind Of Industrial (Rammstein? Really?) who enjoy playing dress-up the first weekend of every month. Seriously.

          I mean, yeah, I love "goth music", but their music is not "goth music". There hasn't been any of that for a good 15 years now. (FWIW, it's not really EBM either.)

          • dmlaenker says:

            "Every "goth scene" is, and always has been, just a bunch of nerds with Magic cards and a penchant for The Wrong Kind Of Industrial (Rammstein? Really?) who enjoy playing dress-up the first weekend of every month. Seriously.

            OH NO HOW CAN YOU SAY THAT?

            Even though it's utterly true

  7. insomnia says:

    "Turns out it wasn't obvious: purple_b ended up buying every VNV Nation album looking for the song or songs he kept asking me about!"

    It was probably Wolfshite.

  8. ioerror says:

    God really hates that sodomite!

  9. ammonoid says:

    Aww, poor <lj user="purple_b">. That is truly sad. Spending all that money on VNV.

  10. mark242 says:

    I really hope Bill Leeb is happy at the misery he has wrought upon the world. Thanks a lot, Mindphaser.

  11. violentbloom says:

    but you're missing the other sound alike bands:
    beborn beton, colony 5, T.O.Y., er and some other ones that I can't be bothered to remember
    Particularly charming is a song called "hemoglobian" by beborn beton in which they sing that just like it's spelled, it rather ruins the uber-gothiness of it making it a very funny song about drinking blood by some not native english singers.

  12. vxo says:

    Oh, so is that what "EBM" implies?

    I've been confused by a lot of the buzzwords used on the big shitty EnFlyer / EmailBrain / VIPStudent.com flyers that get spammed to me on a daily basis...

    "EBM", "Electro-Clash", "Darkwave"... it's all Newspeak to me.

    • quercus says:

      You should go play with Ishkur

    • "EBM" -- a term invented by Front 242, who aren't awful -- stands for "Electronic Body Music." (Yeah, it's dumb, but they're Belgian or something, so it's forgiveable.) It's really a very specific genre of music. Very blip-bloop-bang.

      VNV Nation are not EBM. They're like, um, Crap or whatever. Music for hair gel ads.

    • jwz says:

      No, EBM means minimalist, bleepy, analog-synthy music from (mostly) Belgium between 1981 and 1988. The compilation "This Is Electronic Body Music" closed the book on the genre; nobody makes it any more.

      "Darkwave" means "Cocteau Twins and bands who ripped them off", but there's a recent tendency for people to use it to describe anyone who wears black.

      "Coldwave" means "industrial rock", or sometimes "industrial metal".

      "Electro-Clash" means "bands from the late 90s basing their entire careers on repeatedly covering 'Warm Leatherette'."

      What the five bands mentioned in the flyer do is not "EBM" by any stretch of the imagination; objectively, it's either "progressive house" or "epic house", but because the people who make it wear black and don't go to raves, their fans feel bad calling it that. If you must call it something else, the description you're looking for is "90s synthpop".

      People invent sub-genres when existing genres adequately describe it already because it makes them feel "elite".

  13. deathboy says:

    Oh, my giddy aunt. O_O

  14. transgress says:

    while my musical selection is pretty varied, I will be one of the few that admits to liking them. Different music for different moods.

  15. cadmus says:

    "Assemblage VNV"?

    Don't you mean Assemblage 23?

  16. telecart says:

    SWORDDSSSSSSSSSSSSSS!!!!!!!!!!!!!

  17. djverablue says:

    thank you jwz for the best laugh i've had all day, it took my mind off my hangover.

  18. defenestr8r says:

    holy shit that was funny.