God Bless America

Cheerleaders had sex in bar, witnesses say:

Carolina Panthers cheerleaders, Renee Thomas, left, and Angela Keathley, shown in these Hillsborough County, Fla., Sheriff's Office booking photos, were arrested early Sunday, Nov. 6, 2005 after a bar dispute that broke out after patrons complained the women were allegedly having sex in a bathroom stall. [AP]

Thomas was charged with battery Sunday after allegedly striking a bar patron when she was leaving the restroom, then landed in even more trouble after police said she gave officers a driver's license belonging to another Panthers cheerleader who was not in Tampa. [...]

Keathley, charged with disorderly conduct and resisting arrest, was released on $750 bail about an hour before the Panthers played the Bucs at Raymond James Stadium. The cheerleaders were not in town to perform at the game.

Update, Feb 1: The Smoking Gun finally has the police report. "The statements, previously withheld by Tampa cops, tell of moaning, 'going down,' and eyes rolling back into one woman's head as Keathley and Thomas allegedly cavorted in a bathroom stall--much to the consternation of a long line of women waiting to use the facilities."

58 Responses:

  1. deafscribe says:

    Ladies, ladies...I understand the urgency of your desire, but couldn't you have done it somewhere more comfortable, perhaps? Like on top of the bar counter?

  2. gutbloom says:

    Say HELLO to talkshows, magazine exclusives and... keep your fingers crossed... a spot on a reality show. You watch, next month every NFL cheerleader will be having lesbonian sex in bathroom stalls.

    patrons complained the women were allegedly having sex

    I'd like to complain about the people complaining about sex in bathroom stalls. This can't be good for Florida tourism. What would Datona say?

    • beerfrick says:

      "next month every NFL cheerleader will be having lesbonian sex in bathroom stalls."

      is that like an Elbonian variant? Sounds exotic but considering Elbonians, not very hot.

      • bdu says:

        You haven't lived until you've seen elbonian cheerleader lesbians suck each others' beards.

        • artlung says:

          "lesbonian" is a great neologism. kudos.

          • gutbloom says:

            Taken from a Chris Kataan skit where he was playing Anne Heche.

            Anne Heche: Excuse me, Mr. Hayes?

            Sean Hayes: Yes? do I know you?

            Anne Heche: I'm Anne Heche. I was on "Ellen".

            Sean Hayes: The sitcom?

            Anne Heche: No, the actress. Anyway, I've starred in many movies, and I've played a variety of roles - sometimes even women.

            Sean Hayes: Right. Is this going somewhere?

            Anne Heche: Well, I think "Will & Grace" is a terrific show, and I think it's wonderful that you have two gay men on the show. But I was wondering if you were going to add any lesbonian characters in the future?

            Sean Hayes: [ confused ] Lesbonian? I think you mean "lesbian".

            Anne Heche: Right, lesbian. Whatever. I'm an actress, I can play anything.

    • fgmr says:

      Say HELLO to talkshows, magazine exclusives...

      Adult Magazine Courts Panthers Cheerleaders

  3. korgmeister says:

    That brunette just makes me think "Photoshop: A model's best friend."

    • king_mob says:

      Nobody looks good in a mug shot, man.

    • I was actually thinking that those were some of the most glamourous mug shots I've ever seen. Granted, the blonde fairs far better, but she's working at it more.

    • you are now commanded to produce a mugshot of your own perfect, gorgeous nose, mister man.

      • korgmeister says:

        *ahem* Whassamatter? You've adblocked my user icon?

        • oh yeah, and NOBODY photoshops their icons, there, bucko ;p

          seriously, though, before i fly off on a tangent--*i* would like to chime in saying that i think her nose is nice, and that i find her to be an attractive girl.

          perhaps not in that standard cookie-cutter barbie way (which i find sexier, anyhow) that you guys seem to be viewing as "faring better" (yes, that was another user's comments, not yours).

          but maybe you'd like to clarify your position re: this asshattery.

        • 1eyedkunt says:

          that's hardly a mug shot, but in any case, i think it's safe to say that you're in no position to be criticizing this woman's looks.

          i don't want to start a fight, but i must say that i find your choice in topics, out of all the interesting things that could be said about this particular news story, to be shallow and ignominious. you have contributed to a long tradition of attempting to confine women to an unrealistic template, holding us to the impossible standard of perfection, and therefore subjecting us to a sisyphean torment of lifetimes striving against inescapable inadequacy. it's disappointing.

          • strspn says:

            Of all the mysogynistic behaviors that men typically display, unrealistic appearance standards are perhaps the most frequently also exhibited by women. Having said that, though, there is no question that women end up harmed the most by the upshot, e.g.: high heels, plastic surgery, makeup, clothes complexity and prices, leg and underarm shaving, hairstyling prices, etc. What is to blame for this discrepancy, other than traditions?

            • 1eyedkunt says:

              certainly, women are just as culpable as men in perpetuating these standards (i was reading this the other day, which relates in some ways to just that sort of thing) i don't know korgmeister's sex and don't really care. either way, the person's comments are generally unhelpful.

              as to what's to blame for the ongoing inequalities between the sexes in our culture, i can't even pretend to know the answer to such a complex question (and i really haven't read enough to speak with any kind of authority). but i do hope that much of can be undermined as long as we keep pushing awareness of the ways in which our actions sustain the biases that we've been taught.

          • jwz says:

            Never would I have dreamed that a post about an arrest over drunken lesbian cheerleader public sex would have devolved into a debate over unrealistic standards of feminine beauty! I am shocked!

            Shocked I say!

    • baconmonkey says:

      see, I was thinking the mugshots were surprisingly decent, and that the overly makeup-laden publicity shots were kinda scary.

  4. xenogram says:

    But, were there clowns?

  5. belgand says:

    Dear god... who in the hell complains when cheerleaders are having having sex with each other? Was it because they weren't wearing their uniforms while doing it? Was it because they were being all private about it in the bathroom and not doing it on a table out front for all to see?

    This is truly a fucked-up country we live in.

  6. ubiquity75 says:

    I was pretty much under the impression that the ladies' room in bars is the appropriate place to go when wanting to fool around with another girl. But maybe that says something about the bars I frequent...

  7. phoenixredux says:

    Next time they should use the men's room. I'll bet that none of the men would have complained.

  8. mactavish says:

    I could click through, I suppose, but my first thought was "sex with each other, or someone else?"

  9. baconmonkey says:

    Dear JWZ,
    This has not happened at DNA.
    Yyou are not adequately doing your job.
    Please rectify the situation ASAP.

    DNA Staff.

  10. diemoniker says:

    I was touring a TV station yesterday with one of my classes, and while they were blathering on to us about how all people want is local news and good video, it comes out that this is one of the most popular stories of the morning, even though it is a) not local and b) has no video. Cheerleader sex (alleged) trumps all.

    I want a made-for-tv movie, in the style of "Saving Jessica Lynch."

  11. cetan says:

    "Panthers cheerleaders thrown off squad following arrest"

    followed quickly by:

    "Ex-cheerleaders get offer to pose, report says - Adult magazine Penthouse reportedly wants Thomas, Keathley to bare all"

    • sherbooke says:

      My first thought on seeing that they were fired was "how could they?" I mean, free publicity, right? Isn't this what leaders of cheer do? Or have I been watching the wrong football^H^H^Hmovies?

      Then a set by Penthouse.

      Ah, yes, America. Land of my dreams...

  12. raemus says:

    For some bizarre reason, I keep reading `Panthers' as `panties'.

  13. marmoset says:

    I find it hard to believe that no one has noted the following:

    According to the Panthers' official team Web site on NFL.com, Keathley is a registered nurse and second-year member of the TopCats. Thomas is listed as a student at the University of North Carolina-Charlotte and first-year member of the cheerleading squad.

    ...which would make this hot-lesbonian-nurse-on-college-student-cheerleader-sex.