situation normal

One of these stories is true. Can you guess which?

FEMA Sends Trucks Full Of Ice For Katrina Victims To Maine

The trucks started arriving this weekend, and they're expected to keep coming through Sunday. City officials say they have no idea why the trucks are here, only that the city has been asked to help out with traffic problems. But the truck drivers NEWSCENTER spoke to said they went all the way down to the gulf coast with the ice -- stayed for a few days -- and then were told by FEMA they needed to drive to Maine to store it.

The truck drivers, who are from all over the country, tell us they were subcontracted by FEMA. They started arriving over the weekend, and city spokesperson Peter Dewitt says as many as 200 trucks could come to the city by the end of the week. No one NEWSCENTER talked to has any idea when, or even if the ice will go back to the gulf coast.

Reporters Comb New Orleans For Heartwarming Story

NEW ORLEANS -- Journalists and TV-news crews continued to comb the wreckage of New Orleans for a heartwarming story last week. "We thought we found a cute lost puppy on a rooftop, but when I tried to retrieve him, he chewed me up pretty good," CNN reporter Gary Tuchman said. "At least we did better than those guys from WGN -- they thought they'd reunited an elderly married couple, but they just happened to have similar last names, and the guy raped the old lady to death in the Superdome basement." Many reporters have abandoned the heartwarming angle, instead concentrating on looting houses in the exclusive Port Charles neighborhood.

Also, Ask Father Hardon.

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23 Responses:

  1. styroteqe says:


    Q. If the Messiah has come and fully paid for the sin of Adam, why is it that the "lamb does not lie down with the lion," and that wars, hatred, and hunger continue? Should not have paradise been restored?

    Because the lion will eat the goddamn lamb as soon as it gets the opportunity. asshats.
    Wars are products of man, not god, so is hatred, and hunger too. hungry? grow some goddamn potatoes.

    • strspn says:

      ... [Charismatics] say the Church of the future will be the Church of the Holy Spirit and no longer the Church of the hierarchy and the sacraments instituted by Christ.

      If the only way to dispose of the flag properly is to burn it, how could burning a flag be "desecration"?

      So many people still hung up on fairy tales. So sad.

      • keimel says:

        If the only way to dispose of the flag properly is to burn it

        Not so, according to the US Flag Code (yeah, there is one).

        "The flag, when it is in such condition that it is no longer a fitting emblem for display, should be destroyed in a dignified way, preferably by burning." (emphasis added)

        What other methods are there? I suppose that burying a flag would be suitable. Not sure if being eaten by acid is dignified... *shrug*

        Even then, when a flag is burned, it's technically not a flag, as it's typically been cut lengthwise, then the field removed from the one half, making it three pieces and no longer a flag. Those remains of the former flag are what ends up getting destroyed.

        Of course, there are a gazillion variations of this, so it doesn't really matter. I suppose the intent and meaning behind the events are what matters more.

  2. Wait.. what?? That whole first story makes no sense!

  3. kyronfive says:

    Also, Ask Father Hardon.

    And people say the catholics have no sense of humor!

  4. ultranurd says:

    Whence the phrase "grim meathook future"? TSOR returns hits for your LJ tags.

  5. mark242 says:

    You realize that all your posts tagged with "katrina" are also tagged as "doomed" and "grim meathook future".


    Carry on.

  6. roseredcity says:

    I would expect a man with a name like Father Hardon to give a better answer about the moral dilemma of masturbation than the one he gives.

    It was nice chatting with you last night. Good luck with the kitchen. :)

  7. lars_larsen says:

    Heartwarming story? They totally should have just run "lost puppy mauls reporter for trying manufacture a story".

  8. ioerror says:

    I can personally vouch for the second one. They're both true.

  9. baconmonkey says:

    Dear Daddy Boner,
    Why does the jesus magic not work?

    But it does work, just.... elsewhere. and by knowing that it works elsewhere, it works for you!

    Dear PG&E circa 2000,
    why does the electricity not work?

    But it does work, just.... elsewhere. and by knowing that it works elsewhere, it works for you!

    Dear George Bush,
    why does nothing in Iraq/New Orleans not work?

    But it does work, just.... elsewhere. and by knowing that it works elsewhere, it works for you!