oh, the oniony goodness

Halliburton Gets Contract To Pry Gold Fillings From New Orleans Corpses' Teeth
HOUSTON -- On Tuesday, Halliburton received a $110 million no-bid government contract to pry the gold fillings from the mouths of deceased disaster victims in the New Orleans-Gulf Coast area. "We are proud to serve the government in this time of crisis by recovering valuable resources from the wreckage of this deadly storm," said David J. Lesar, Halliburton's president. "The gold we recover from the human rubble of Katrina can be used to make fighter-jet electronics, supercomputer chips, inflation-proof A-grade investments, and luxury yachting watches."
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14 Responses:

  1. nerak_g says:


  2. mactavish says:

    I hate when I have to check to make sure that's the Onion.

  3. mendel says:

    [expression of shock]

    • curious_jp says:

      Christ almighty I hate those things. Growing up in Australia, we called them "Doctors", for some reason or other. A real pain if you were catch-and-release fishing, as you really have to kill these things on sight, and there's no way to do so without killing the fish as well.

  4. patrick says:

    Thank God someone is finding use from the human rubble of Katrina!

  5. cadmus says:

    They remind me of this.

  6. ciphergoth says:

    Dear Onion, please stop exploring my plausibility double-takes. Thanks, everyone on <lj user="jwz">'s friends list.