Dog Condom Recall

FOR IMMEDIATE RELEASE-- Bloomington, IN - August 3, 2005 -- Dog Condoms, Inc. is announcing a voluntary recall of its Dog Condoms® canine prophylactics, due to an unacceptable failure rate reported during preliminary release in test markets. Use of these recalled condoms may result in unwanted canine pregnancies. Additionally, meat-scented Dog Condoms® may present a choking hazard, especially for smaller dogs.
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34 Responses:

  1. lilmissnever says:

    They're meat-scented. MEAT-SCENTED!

  2. pavel_lishin says:

    ... scented?

    Next they need meat-flavored, you know, for when ol' Yeller's feeling in the mood for some oral from that skanky bitch Puffy down the street.

  3. bitwise says:

    I love the psychological effects of them choosing the identical colors and fonts that Trojan uses.

    I mean, everyone knew they were condoms before even reading the package, right?

    • lars_larsen says:

      Or could it be a photoshopped hoax? I mean come on. DUH!

      • fo0bar says:

        Besides the "this is too creepy to be true" feeling, an obvious giveaway is "Dog Condoms®". You can't register a trademark for something that describes the product. That would be like me starting a laptop business and registering "Laptop Computer®".

        • lars_larsen says:

          Good point. I didnt notice that.

          The "this is too creepy to be true" thing isnt enough to prove its a hoax. After all, Neuticles are real.

          • flim_flam says:

            It's now in the Press Release archive on their site, but this press release made me blink the first time I saw the Neuticles pages a few years ago:

            Counterfeiters Target Patented Neuticles For Pets
            "They Are Stealing Everything" Says Inventor

            Released June 26, 2000

      • omni_ferret says:

        For one thing, the article has a caption for the picture, calling it a prototype. So yeah, it's not a photograph.

        For another, it's got a FAQ: What About Female Condoms for Bitches?

    • korgmeister says:

      Nah, I had to look. But I use Ansells.

  4. ctudball says:

    Possibly the best thing ever.

  5. fa_jing says:

    I'm confused. Are they "FOR IMMEDIATE RELEASE" or are they being recalled?

  6. c0nsumer says:

    Hmm, I wonder if they've got a built in knot space instead of a reservoir tip.

  7. So every time a stray dog wants to come along and hump my leg, I have to stop him and tell him to put a condom on otherwise it is not on?

    Coming soon: Trojans..for horses.

  8. am I the only one who thinks these things are only thinly veiled as for dog-to-dog use? think about it...

    • duskwuff says:

      See above - they exist for horses, why don't dogs get them too?

      • Because dogs don't produce enough ejaculate that you can't fluff them functionally without a bag to put it in.

        • duskwuff says:

          Well, actually...

          The canine sexual response is, for whatever reason, significantly different from what is seen in most other mammals. Ejaculation begins shortly after arousal, but mating continues for up to 15 minutes, as a portion of the male's sexual organ swells into what is commonly known as the "knot", physically locking him within the female. Horses, on the other hand, respond much like humans do - if anything, one would probably end up with more of a mess "fluffing" a dog than with a stallion.

          (Yes, I know a disturbing amount about this. Yes, I have my reasons, and you can probably figure them out, too. Yes, you may feel free to flame me for them.)

  9. richpav says:

    Brought to you by the same folks who created MasturbateForPeace.com and ViagraPhilosophy.com

  10. fastfwd says:

    This has got to be a joke. I mean, in light of how things work with the dog.

    • duskwuff says:

      Actually, it's pretty reasonable, as long as you can come up with a good way of putting the thing on before things, ah, get started.

      • fastfwd says:

        No, what I was thinking of was the, uh, mechanics of the dog's, uh, mechanics.

        Oh, hell, enough coyness. The dog's penis actually telescopes and gets longer. Which means if you put a condom on it before things get started, the condom will be too large and fall off.

        Of course, if this is real and not a hoax, maybe there's a way around that. Is there a veterinarian in the house?

        I just had a vision of Dr. Ruth for canines. Dog help us all (I'm dyslexic).

        • duskwuff says:

          Actually, not exactly. The dog's penis doesn't "telescope", exactly - there's a bone, the os penis, in it*, so the length can't vary all that much. What you're probably thinking of is the extension of the penis from the prepuce, commonly known as the "sheath". It's a significantly different erectile process from that seen in humans.

          (Again: I know much more about this than you'd expect, and some minor research will show why. You'd probably rather not*** know, though.)

          *: Interestingly enough, this structure is found in most** mammals except the primates.
          **: The only other exceptions I can think of are the horse and the dolphin.
          ***: knot? Eehee.

  11. irma_vep says:

    Maybe we should put opiates in condoms for humans, so guys will want to use them more......