Monkey Fluffer

Fluffer Girl Sought for Prize Orangutang

Reply to: anon-77674915@craigslist.org
Date: 2005-06-08, 11:15AM EDT

I represent a nationally recognized zoo. Due to the curious nature of this request, I cannot disclose the name of the zoo. Please believe this offer is for real. We recently purchased a female orangutang to mate with our prize male. The problem is a couple of animal trainers were having relations with the male. He has since lost all interest in mating with females of his species. The zoo I represent has authorized me to offer $10,000 to a woman that can "fluff" the male and get him to inseminate the female. Your identity will be completely secret and every effort will be made to keep this from the press. You and I will meet only once. You will be shown pictures of the orangutang at that meeting. I cannot email you a pic in advance as he is very famous and quite recognizable. The only other person that will see you is one of the animal trainers. He will be standing by with a tranquilizer gun in case the female gets jealous, or the male gets a little too rough. You can let the trainer know up front whether you are into the rough stuff. We are anticipating a huge response, so to save time please include a pic and brief bio/resume. I can share these with the orangutang in advance. All info. sent will be destroyed. Thank you and the millions of youngsters who will love to see any baby orangs you help bring into existence thank you.

You need to be able to host, or we can do this in a mutually agreed upon hotel.

Tags: ,

26 Responses:

  1. otterley says:

    Were you searching for "fluffer" or "orangutang" when you found this? ;-)

  2. usufructer says:

    Will joke listings ever go out of style on craigslist?

    Which zine do you think this is for?

  3. duskwuff says:

    "We are anticipating a huge response, so to save time please include a pic and brief bio/resume. I can share these with the orangutang in advance."

    Three guesses as to whether the "ourangutang" is actually a very fat, hairy man.

  4. lars_larsen says:

    Once you go Homo Sapien, you never go back.

    • 7leaguebootdisk says:

      Intelligence is sexy, and I guess that is true more broadly than we thought.

  5. chaobell says:

    WHAT

    I'd hoist the bullshit flag, but you can't make shit like this up.

    • flipping_hades says:

      Actually, yes, you totally can.

      • chaobell says:

        Well, yes, you're right. But it's a little less painful for me to consider that there really is an orangutan with a human fetish out there than to imagine some dude sitting on the couch thinking hmm, how can I fuck with the craigslist people today? ...monkeys! No, wait, monkeys are played out. ...ooo, I know, monkeys with erectile dysfunction! New twist! I like it!

        LEAVE ME IN MY DELUSIONAL BUBBLE I BEG YOU.

  6. bloodied_velvet says:

    I think I am a little more concerned on your tags for this. Wicked underpants??

  7. ciphergoth says:

    You can let the trainer know up front whether you are into the rough stuff.

  8. baconmonkey says:

    you know stuff like this is just gonna get MORE furries reading your journal, right?

  9. korgmeister says:

    You need to be able to host, or we can do this in a mutually agreed upon hotel.

    Oh man, how much would it rule to be a fly on the wall at that check-in desk?

  10. lovingboth says:

    Just how many "very famous" orangutangs are there?

    If this were a real issue, they'd use artificial insemination, or in the UK, make it part of a 'celebrity' show: "She's shagged the UK's most famous footballer and masturbated a pig on TV - this time it's primate!"

  11. billemon says:

    every effort will be made to keep this from the press

    Please don't post this to Slashdot :)

  12. jsbowden says:

    Since the original post doesn't spell orang utan correctly, I would remain highly skeptical.