Disney's Ongoing War Against Breasts

Lohan Has Digital Breast Reduction

Teen actress Lindsay Lohan's breasts have been digitally reduced for forthcoming Disney film Herbie: Fully Loaded, to avoid offending family audiences.

Test screenings for the new movie, the fourth sequel to the 1968 film The Love Bug about a Volkswagen Beetle car with a mind of its own, indicated that some parents felt Lohan's character Maggie Peyton was too raunchy for a children's film.

Disney technicians were forced to plough through numerous scenes - especially those showing the busty actress jumping up and down at a motor racing track, reducing her breasts by two cup sizes and raising revealing necklines on her T-shirts.

Amused at her digital bosom reduction, Lohan says, "I don't know how Renee Zellweger kept swelling and shrinking for Bridget Jones. It's no fun.

"Bring on the computer guys."

Since the list of things which offend me already includes all of: Lindsay Lohan, VW Beetles, remakes, sequels, product placements, mining of the past, and celebrities, I can't say that the addition of teen skanks hopping up and down in too-small t-shirts would necessarily make such a movie more offensive. But once I am given a brief A/B comparison, I'll be sure to let you know.

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22 Responses:

  1. valacosa says:

    I loathe this culture where breasts are offensive but stupidity is perfectly fine.

    Every time you post a story about boob censorship, I think of this.

  2. baconmonkey says:

    this might explain why she's starved herself stick-thin.

  3. I once read that, in socially conservative times, the fashion was for larger breasts (i.e., more traditionally feminine-looking women), with small breasts being in during more liberal times.

  4. fo0bar says:

    How do these sites know when Lohan's nipple is sticking out? AFAICT, her nipples are the same color as her skin.

  5. billemon says:

    some parents felt Lohan's character Maggie Peyton was too raunchy for a children's film

    Some mothers complained that their husbands were drooling.

  6. I've got nothing to say to this because I am laughing too bloody hard.

  7. xenogram says:

    ... some parents felt Lohan's character Maggie Peyton was too raunchy for a children's film.

    Only ugly or sexually unatractive people should appear in childrens' films. After all, the sight of Lindsay Lohan's chest might cause an 8 year old boy to think about sex.

    Nah, really it won't, but his idiot mother is having screaming hysterics at the thought.

  8. kiskadee says:

    Considering the average bra size in America is rising due to increased rate of obesity, I don't gather it's the "large breast" per se that people might find offensive... it's the breast-to-waist ratio, right? I'm sure they could have easily fattened Lohan's waist so as not to offend overweight people...

    I dunno I smell potential for a lawsuit. :)

  9. phoenixredux says:

    I guess I'll wait for the director's cut.

  10. deeptape says:

    I can't say that the addition of teen skanks hopping up and down in too-small t-shirts would necessarily make such a movie more offensive.

    It might be the only thing to make such a movie tolerable!

    • phoenixredux says:

      That, and an anthropomorphized Volkswagen. As a VW lover, I'm sure I'll see this movie regardless of Lohan's boobs. Personally, I think downsizing them is a mistake. Disney should be more concerned with its slipping stock prices than its star's chest.

  11. fantasygoat says:

    The photo you posted of her is kinda old. I think she's dropped another 20 pounds since then, so you can see her entire skeleton.

    Maybe she'll starve herself to death! Oh to dream.

  12. lars_larsen says:

    When all the breasts on earth are destroyed, THEN disney will rule the world! Muhahahahaha!

  13. movingfinger says:

    Executives at the family entertainment company Disney were shocked, shocked to learn that they had inadvertently filmed a movie titled "Herbie: Fully Loaded," starring well-known big-breasted actress Lindsay Lohan, which featured a fully-loaded big-breasted actress. The forces of sexual prurience and social decadence will stop at nothing to rot America's fiber.

  14. She's playing a teenager. Her boobs were considered too big for a 14 y.o. But hell, there's a girl I work with right now who's 16 and has some very big breasts...

    I guess the best quote is from David Cross "dirty filthy titty"

  15. neversremedy says:

    What gets me is not that they would do this, reality tv is enough to make me lose all faith in the entertainment industry, but if they were worried about how parents would view a busty actress, why not just cast someone with a more demure figure? *sighs* I don't really care who they cast, that they're remaking this film is enough to make me not want to see it.