Monkey Fluffer

Fluffer Girl Sought for Prize Orangutang

Reply to:
Date: 2005-06-08, 11:15AM EDT

I represent a nationally recognized zoo. Due to the curious nature of this request, I cannot disclose the name of the zoo. Please believe this offer is for real. We recently purchased a female orangutang to mate with our prize male. The problem is a couple of animal trainers were having relations with the male. He has since lost all interest in mating with females of his species. The zoo I represent has authorized me to offer $10,000 to a woman that can "fluff" the male and get him to inseminate the female. Your identity will be completely secret and every effort will be made to keep this from the press. You and I will meet only once. You will be shown pictures of the orangutang at that meeting. I cannot email you a pic in advance as he is very famous and quite recognizable. The only other person that will see you is one of the animal trainers. He will be standing by with a tranquilizer gun in case the female gets jealous, or the male gets a little too rough. You can let the trainer know up front whether you are into the rough stuff. We are anticipating a huge response, so to save time please include a pic and brief bio/resume. I can share these with the orangutang in advance. All info. sent will be destroyed. Thank you and the millions of youngsters who will love to see any baby orangs you help bring into existence thank you.

You need to be able to host, or we can do this in a mutually agreed upon hotel.

Tags: ,

photography workflow

I think that iPhoto doesn't conform to my old picture-taking workflow. I think it's a good workflow, though, so I'd like to know whether I'm wrong, and there is some way to do what I want with iPhoto.

Previously, I did this:

  • Move pictures from camera;
  • Create "date-name" directories for each session: e.g., if I shot a show that had three bands on June 1, the directories would be 2005-06-01-foo, 2005-06-01-bar, and 2005-06-01-baz.
  • Put all the photos of each subject in a RAW/ subdirectory (e.g., 2005-06-01-foo/RAW/). Never touch those.
  • Copy */RAW to */EDIT. In the EDIT subdirectory, delete the junk, and color correct and crop the rest.
  • When publishing to the web, copy some subset of EDIT, and resize and post the copy.

I don't think I can easily do this with iPhoto. iPhoto seems to want to obscure the actual location of the files on disk from me: it wants me to access my photos only through the iPhoto UI, using its notion of galleries. It always stores files on disk in its world in directories like YYYY/MM/DD/, which is close to my layout, but I want my "keywords" in the directory names as well, not solely in some undocumented metadata file off to the side somewhere.

I think that PhotoMechanic makes it easy to do things the way I want, since it doesn't make assumptions about where your files live. Basically you can just point it at a directory and it will let you browse, flag, and manipulate things in that directory without first importing copies into some central place. rzr_grl swears by PhotoMechanic, and it's used by a lot of newspapers.

But, PhotoMechanic is $150, and contains a lot of other features that I don't particularly need. So before I buy it, I'd like to know if any of you iPhoto users out there know how to bend iPhoto to my will.

Update: Turns out that Adobe Bridge does everything PhotoMechanic does, and it came with my copy of Photoshop CS2. Goodbye iPhoto!

Tags: , , , , ,

egregious protocol violation

The other day at a nightclub, some guy I didn't know violated urinal protocol and started talking to me about realtime linux scheduling while I had my dick in my hand.

I'm getting recognised too often lately. I need a new hair style.

Tags: , , , ,

LJ tags

Since LJ has tags now, I've added a few to the most recent two pages of my posts. I've also turned on the option that lets anyone add new tags to my posts. So go forth, my army of flying monkeys, and tag my old posts! Let's see what categories you come up with.

Update, June 21: Ok, the experiment is over. Verdict: you are all incredibly lame.

Tags: , ,