I, for one, welcome our new biscuit-terminating robotic overlords

Biscuit-eating dummy tests crumbs

Staff at the Mcvitie's laboratory in High Wycombe, Bucks, designed the Crumb Test Dummy to test which baking techniques produce the most crumbs. The motorised mannequin has plastic teeth and is designed to replicate human eating.

"Eating lots of biscuits is obviously an enjoyable prospect for most people but we haven't yet found a human who can test on this scale," Mcvitie's brand manager Liz Ashdown added.

"The Crumb Test Dummy has a never-ending appetite and doesn't need to stop for breath."

She did not add, "And it absolutely will not stop until you are dead."

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12 Responses:

  1. giles says:

    Does the robot really need a hairnet? Or functional genitalia?

  2. injector says:

    Two questions:

    1. Why give it hair, when it will just need a hair net?
    2. Why model it after Ron Perlman?
  3. chaobell says:

    Gah! Jesus!

    That is fucking creepy.

  4. fo0bar says:

    Primary objective: terminate Sarah Connor.
    Secondary objective: mmmmmm, Burger King sausage biscuits...

  5. primroseport says:

    Ok, that final note is fucking funny

  6. greatbiggary says:

    See, I can't trust tests like this that don't even bother wafer prealigning the biscuits. Without at least that level of precision, this whole thing is just a stunt to soothe investors.

  7. xtingu says:

    Hook that guy up to this, and watch the magic happen.

    Or something.

    • rasp_utin says:

      At a school visit, a little girl burst into tears in front of the machine.

      That makes it all worth it right there... even the mind of a child can, on some primal level, sense the approaching extinction of its species. ;)

  8. fantasygoat says:

    He seems hesitant to eat another one.