Banned Phrases

The following phrases are hereby Not Allowed.

    "The Law of Unintended Consequences."

      The thing about this phrase is that people often cite it, but never define it. There's a good reason for that: any definition of it would be shorter than its title! Let's try: "Unintended Consequences happen." Wait, I think we can do better: "Shit happens." Yup, there it is: when you want to say "shit happens", or when you want to make the Nelson "ha-ha" laugh, you can instead invoke The Law Of and suddenly you sound erudite.


      I'm pretty sure this used to be called "gloating." But by ismifying it, you can pretend it's a school of thought.

Stop using these phrases. If you hear someone using them, smack them. Thank you for your cooperation.

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television horror

The other day I was flipping channels and happened across two programs of equal and opposite horror, airing simultaneously.

The first was a makeover show where, as near as I can tell, they just give you a pile of money and send you shopping. Their victim was "a thirty year old woman who is still going for that punk/goth look."

I didn't see the "before" pictures, but they frumped her out into someone's mom. Everyone excitedly hopped up and down.

Meanwhile, over on Fuse (the Canadian MTV) they had a "metal makeover" show, where these three screeching harpies in a convertible showed up at the house of some guy who really liked metal but didn't dress the part. They made fun of his parents, bought him a spiked arm-band, and tried to talk him into getting a piercing or a tattoo.

The ladies shook their fists out of the car and yelled "Rock has come to town."

So I figure these two shows cancelled each other out, and I didn't actually see anything at all. That's my story and I'm sticking to it.

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