Steve, Don't Eat It! "Not surprisingly, I've come up with a little slogan the peeps who handle Potted Meat Marketing can use (no charge, as always): POTTED MEAT FOOD PRODUCT: Made By, For, And With Assholes."
Reminiscent of How Much is Inside.
Steve, Don't Eat It!
Steve, Don't Eat It!
Tags: doomed, pranks
Current Music: Lard -- Hell Fudge ♬
19 Responses:
I used to have a can of no-frills "potted meat food product". blue printing on a white label. it was beautiful. We also had a "Luncheon Meat" can.
I love that the first ingredient is usually "mechanically separated chicken". The fact that they specify the process used to separate the chicken... scary stuff.
Have you read Fast Food Nation? That "mechanically" adjective is probably for the best, or else you would wind up with "potted meat food product, now with 10% more migrant farm worker".
Once worked as programming contractor for Dept. of Agriculture in DC on the Polutry Mgmt. System. One of our database fields was , you guessed it : Mechanically Separated Chicken.
Cant imagine the dumbass company that labels its cans with this phrase.
What about the milk we consume : mechanically milked cow.
Its like a vibrator on the udders. Do they let the calf watch when the mom is being shagged by this robot?
brutality everywhere in the name of progress. and i am the minion of the mighty. filet 'o minion
They wouldn't want you to think that the chickens had been lovingly hand-separated by the indigenous peoples of wherever.
I prefer my chickens to be separated by beak-to-beak combat.
"The chicken of the dead"? Sounds like a cheesy horror movie.
They used to carry this stuff in the little quickie-mart at my college. It was in a blue-labeled can (it's scary that there's more than one brand, indicating there's competition in the potted meat food product market). My favorite ingredient: "partially defatted pork fatty tissue". Mmm!
--riney
Some quick research reveals Your Friendly U.S. Government at Work:
9 CFR 319.15 (Lexis).
9 CFR 319.29 (Lexis).
"This product may be used as an ingredient in: Beef patties (cooked and uncooked), Potted meat food product, Sauces, Gravies, Imitation sausage, and Nonspecific loaves. No limit on quantity is made. It is believed to be self-limiting." U.S. Dept. of Agriculture, Food Safety and Inspection Service, Office of Policy Program Development, Food Standards and Labeling Policy Book (May 2003).
Mmmmm. My mouth is watering just thinking about it.
I also believe it to be self-limiting!
"The Nonspecific Loaves" screams out to be the name of an indie band somewhere.
--riney
You know "mechanically separated chicken" is chicken forced through a wire mesh to get all of the "meat", right?
i always liked this one best:
http://www.thesneeze.com/mt-archives/000142.php
Is it not weirder to drink cow's milk which is truly intended for baby cows? The answer: Hell no! The only thing weirder than me drinking breast milk, is the fact that milk is coming out of my wife's chest in the first place.
And oh man- I've got some shit to send this guy- a can of grubs from the asian mart, yay!
I won't touch that shit, and I like Spam.
I wish somebody could explain to me why the asian supermarket near my house has a bunch of live toads in a cardboard box. Since the box was out in a general aisle area I'm pretty sure they were meant to be purchased, and not, say, pets of the owner or something.
Asian supermarkets carry odd stuff sometimes, so I'm not sure that they're meant as food, but I can't really imagine what else they'd be for. Lick the toad and pray to your ancestors?
like the little chinese restaurant, near where i lived, that was closed by public health department because of cats and dogs in the deep freezer....
neighbours had wondered where their pets had gone.
Hey, remember the mixerman diary? Rumor has it the band in discussion is the Ataris.
Back when Kroger was Hannaford around here you could find cans of pork brains in milk gravy on the shelves. There is a restaurant up the street from me that actually serves brains and eggs (the only known way to eat the stuff, as far as I can tell). I actually tried it once... and it reminded me of the taste of SPAM, only squishier in texture.
Potted meat, on the other hand, is vile stuff. It tastes like mashed up Vienna sausages, another mystery meat product. At least I know what's in a can of brains.
Head cheese.
When I was a teenager I would often enjoy a fine lunch of 1 can potted meat and 1 pack of Lantz Crackers (known colloquially as "Nabs") during the midday respite from my labors as a hardware store clerk and stockboy. And look how I turned out!
Sardines on the shelves. Almost taste them by looking. Sandwich? Ham and his descendants musterred and bred there. Potted meats. What is home without Plumtree's potted meat? Incomplete. What a stupid ad! Under the obituary notices they stuck it. All up a plumtree. Dignam's potted meat. Cannibals would with lemon and rice. White missionary too salty. Like pickled pork. Expect the chief consumes the parts of honour. Ought to be tough from exercise. His wives in a row to watch the effect. There was a right royal old nigger. Who ate or something the somethings of the reverend Mr MacTrigger. With it an abode of bliss. Lord knows what concoction. Cauls mouldy tripes windpipes faked and minced up. Puzzle find the meat. Kosher. No meat and milk together. Hygiene that was what they call now. Yom Kippur fast spring cleaning of inside. Peace and war depend on some fellow's digestion. Religions. Christmas turkeys and geese. Slaughter of innocents. Eat drink and be merry. Then casual wards full after. Heads bandaged. Cheese digests all but itself. Mity cheese.
--Have you a cheese sandwich?
--Yes, sir.