"Cursed", or, "I been robbed."

Cursed is the worst movie I've subjected myself to since Dracula 2000. Oh my god, fantastically bad. Even the effects were bad: during the big climactic werewolf transformation scene I thought, "wow, that's the hairiest Pillsbury Doughboy I've ever seen." The prominently-featured wax statue of the Lon Chaney Wolfman was more convincing, and it didn't even move. (The statue turned in ten times the performance of Christina Ricci, too. Clearly the statue should have gotten top billing.)

Rick Baker won an Oscar for the werewolf effects in An American Werewolf in London, and this is the best he could do? He should just run the stock footage instead of using that inflatable hairy baloon. There have been better effects on "Enterprise." Seriously.

"Did you not even consult Rotten Tomatoes?" rzr_grl sensibly asked. "I didn't think I needed to! Elm Street! Serpent and the Rainbow! Scream!"

I knew Wes Craven had executive-produced a whole bunch of shit written and directed by other people, like the execrable Wishmaster (though I had forgotten that Dracula 2000 was, in fact, one of these.) I had already caught on that "Wes Craven Presents" means "stay the fuck away." But he actually directed this bloated turd.

Fuck you, Craven. We're finished.

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19 Responses:

  1. webwench says:

    Aww, it didn't suck so much if you had the right mental attitude going in... it was *campy*. (For the first 30 minutes, I was thinking, "was this made for TV?" So yeah, it sucked.)

  2. otterley says:

    Have you ever considered reading reviews before you pay good money to watch this crap?

  3. bassfingers says:

    A Hollywood Bitchslap review says Baker quit half-way through the production. And it's not clear how much input Craven had on the final cut. But thanks for the heads up, it was either that or Constantine tonight (even though that's mostly been panned as well...)

  4. bonniegrrl says:

    dang. I'm sorry to hear that... I'll probably see it anyway this weekend tho.

    But seriously, how hard is it to make a decent werewolf movie these days?
    I mean, Underworld came close, but it was still contrived. Ugh. I guess I better finish my own screenplay instead of bitching.

    I have a feeling that Wes Craven on the next "Prject Greenlight" is going to be the scariest thing he's done in his career for years.

    • jwz says:

      I liked Underworld a lot. The surprising thing is that they had a pretty small budget, which is why so many of the effects were makeup, stunts and wire-work instead of digital (which is also why they didn't look like ass.)

      Ginger Snaps was the best werewolf movie made in the last two decades (previous title-holder being Company of Wolves.) Ginger Snaps 2 was also really good (unlike most sequels, it wasn't just a rehash: the first one was a "puberty movie", the second was a "junkie movie.") Ginger Snaps 3 was just a straightforward "monster movie", though, and was pretty forgettable. (It also bugged me that 3 went "magic" while 1 and 2 were "science".)

      Dog Soldiers wasn't bad (though it turns out that there wasn't really a lot going on, in the end.)

      • jabberwokky says:

        I'm kinda ticked - I've discovered that your movie tastes and mine seem to match fairly well, and I was really hoping that Cursed would be a good return to the "not so blatant classic monster" film.

        I haven't seen Dog Soldiers... I'll have to check that out.

      • agreed on Ginger Snaps 1+2, haven't seen 3 yet. Dog Soldiers was fun too. Underworld was goofy, it didn't work for me.

      • psymbiotic says:

        I agree with you about Ginger Snaps 1 and 2 (I haven't seen 3 yet). Also, I really liked Dog Soldiers as well.

        So, yeah. :D

        Egan >:>

      • greyhame says:

        I thought Dog Soldiers was great, right up until they showed the werewolves. Those things were pathetic, they looked like they were stuffed. It was still a good movie after that point, I just couldn't take it remotely seriously anymore.

      • vordark says:

        Holy shit! You mean I'm not the only one that saw Ginger Snaps as being truly awsome!?!

        My wife and I saw the middle forty minutes of the movie on cable and were like "Is this supposed to suck? It looks like a B movie. Hmmm. This is actually pretty good." We then immediately rented all three and had pretty much the same reaction.

        Ginger Snaps 2 gets major points for:

        1. Scary, bandaged, seriously fucked up grandmother freaking out in a bed.


        2. Scary, abandoned mental institution.

        It's too bad they didn't manage to work in Nazis because that would have been true cinematic brilliance.

      • Though I agree that it doesn't really count as a werewolf movie properly (and yes, was a con) Brotherhood of the Wolf bears some sort of mention here. Certainly before it switches over to whacky action movie, it's got some really beautiful sequences, and spends some time building fear well. Also, politics.

  5. pfrank says:

    what I want to know is, at what point did Christina Ricci stop being cute? I saw her on the Daily Show the other day and she was kind of.. scary.

  6. rasp_utin says:

    A copy of the newest issue of Fangoria was sitting around at work. In it, they interview Craven, and he proceeds to dump on Cursed for several pages. He basically sums it up as a waste of that portion of his life, and a miserable [lost] tug-of-war with the inept studio. Eh.

  7. greyaenigma says:

    Fortunately, I saw Sky Blue Friday, so this wasn't even the worst movie I saw this weekend.