donkey fluffer

"Here the look of panic and determination on the Artificial Vagina Handler's face is as a result of the stallion's penis having deflected itself to the right of the phantom. It must be retrieved rapidly before the stallion moves up on the phantom and makes such a retrieval impossible."
Current Music: Curve -- Blindfold ♬

17 Responses:

  1. primroseport says:

    My friend used to be a pig fluffer, because--I guess--some pigs are too stupid to properly fuck. He said they had, um... retractable, screw-shaped members (!!!)

  2. iota says:

    "the horse was really gettin into it -- there was like a gallon of proof!" - ali g

  3. daonnan says:

    you never fail to find the shit that makes me smile in that special way.

  4. greatbiggary says:

    I'ma make sure I don't bring up how often I've worked with "AV equipment" the next time I run into a cowboy.

    So are you in the market for a better bestiality search engine? It would appear Google has failed you.

  5. pvck says:

    What I want to know is, why don't they just mount the AV in the pseudomare?

    • baconmonkey says:

      because then cowboys wouldn't get to play with giant horse cock.

    • wayitgoes says:

      I used to work at a breeding farm, and I knew there was a really good reason for that, but I don't remember. Damn.

    • ambar says:

      There are phantoms available with an internal AV, but they are much spendier than wrapping a telephone pole with a futon and then buying an AV. (Also remember you have to clean the damned thing, fill it with hot water, and of course get the semen out afterwards to process it while holding it at temp...)

  6. From my experiences working in a horse barn, there's worse than this.

    Mares who aren't in heat or don't like a particular stallion can kick or otherwise injure the stallion who tries to approach them. Since only the best male horses are kept as studs, having your stud crippled by a mare's kick is considered a Bad Thing, financially and otherwise. So many breeding barns employ "teasers" -- male stallions, less valuable than the real stud, whose job it is to see if the mare is receptive. So he gets the kicks if the mare isn't interested. If the mare _is_ interested, they lead him away, and bring in the real stud to finish the job. Can you imagine being that poor horse?

  7. I love this one, because of the little dog just going "holy shit!"

    • jwz says:

      Yeah, I loved their comment, "Supervisory assistance from the local Terrier population is not recommended!"

  8. anaisdjuna says:

    Whoa..nelly! I looked at the linked AV page. Not exactly the pocket pussy you can find at your local sex shop. I love how they have the "French Model"... So romantic..

  9. joel says:

    Answers pressing questions such as:

    • Can frozen semen be shipped?
    • What are the conception rates using frozen semen?
    • Who stores the stallion semen?
  10. At OSCON 2004, Robert Lefkowitz gave a marvelous talk on open source as seen from different perspectives, different contexts. He looked at the old question of whether software is a product or a service by turning to an even older field: horse studs. In days of yore, if you had a mare that you wanted bred with a high-quality horse, you paid for the "service" of the stallion's owner bringing it over and performing the deed.

    Nowadays, it's all about artificial insemination. So instead you browse through, ahem, a seed catalog, and purchase however many milliliters of semen from whichever stallion strikes your fancy. Now of course, if you had sufficiently small tweezers (and modern technology does), you could make millions of horse babies from even a tiny sample of semen.

    But, according to the law and to the terms that you purchase the semen under, you are buying not a product (the semen itself) but... a service. You own the physical material, but you do not own the rights to it. You license the genetic material of the stallion. You perform your own artificial insemination with the material you purchased, but (this is true) you are allowed to make only two copies.

    Lefkowitz's point was that the subtle product-service distinction is not unique to software, but I found myself wondering if, somewhere, there is a Jack Valenti of the horse-stud cartel, lamenting backup foals.