Moon, Time Cube, ALL ARE ONE!

This latest Sun Myung Moon thing is just too weird, but better still are some of his quotes:

Moon's vagina monologues:

In the spirit of yin-yang duality, Washington Times owner Rev. Moon calls the penis the convex organ and the vagina the concave. From a 2000 speech railing against loose women (in which he also lays out his his U.N. plans):

"If a couple exists with that individualism, then the concave organ should be sealed with concrete."

Ouch. From a 2001 speech.

"A woman's reproductive organ is concave, like the wide-open mouth of a poisonous snake with fangs"

Also, pliers:

"As a man, in your right front pants pocket is a small inside watch pocket. Keep pliers there, and when you go to the bathroom, once a day, pinch your love organ. Cut the skin a little bit as a warning. If your love organ does not listen to your conscience, then you should cut off the tip. Even if it takes that extreme measure, we have to make sure our mind and body become one. We were told to love our enemy. What is our enemy? Our lineage and love organ. Love your enemy."
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21 Responses:

  1. down8 says:

    The last one is almost contradictory. Cutting and loving my organ don't equate to me.

    -bZj

    • ammitbeast says:

      Hmmm. I guess it equates if you're into extreme sadomasochism.

      Watch, next we'll hear that Sun Myung Madfuck likes penile bifurcation as a form of birth control.

      Always suspected this guy was way kinky.

  2. spider88 says:

    And what is the vagina of a poisonous snake with fangs like? A woman's mouth?

    • jwz says:

      Snakes have cloaca.

      • jwz says:

        And so will you, if you aren't careful with those pliers! "Loving the enemy" takes a steady hand.

        • giles says:

          But don't touch the sides!

          *BZZZZZRT!*

          Butterfingers!

          • ldy says:

            BWAHAHAHAHA!

            And could your icon be any more perfect for that comment? You even got the Simpsons Butterfinger tie-in. Kudos :)

      • spider88 says:

        Yes, I know - but it's still a concave orifice used for reproduction!

      • eminence_gris says:

        And, in the case of male snakes, two penises, called "hemipenes". Singular is "hemipenis". Which makes you wonder whether the plural of "penis" really ought to be "penes". At least it make me wonder that.

        And, of course, it leads me to think about what could very well be the Next Big Thing in body modification, penis splitting. If it's good enough for a real snake, why not for your trouser snake?

        • jwz says:

          Been there, seen that, don't ever want to see it again.

          • down8 says:

            bme.freeq has left me scarred from long ago. That was a sad night in SAL.

            -bZj

        • greyhame says:

          The plural of "penis" really is "penes." Or rather, both "penes" and "penises" are correct -- "penes" is an older form, I believe, and "penises" originated as an error, but has come into common enough usage to now be considered correct.

          Would you like any other useless trivia today?

  3. drsmax says:

    Ok, I think I finally have it all figured out: Rock beats scissors. Scissors beats paper. Paper beats rock. Pliers beats love organ.

  4. rambletron3000 says:

    Where's my time cube?

  5. bdu says:

    Rev. Moon crowned "King of Peace" in Senate office building

    According to columnist Bill Berkowitz, on March 23 Moon presided over the event during which he presented the "Crown of Peace" award to a number of honored guests.

    The Rev. Sun Myung Moon

    Several U.S. members of Congress - Democrats Sen. Mark Dayton of Minnesota, Rep. Danny K. Davis of Illinois, Rep. Sanford D. Bishop Jr. of Georgia; Republicans Rep. Roscoe G. Bartlett of Maryland, Rep. Christopher B. Cannon of Utah, and Rep. Curt Weldon of Pennsylvania - received "Ambassadors for Peace" awards, Berkowitz wrote. There were reportedly 81 members of Congress total at the event.

    "Decked-out in a campy floor-length cape, the Rev. Moon was presented with an ornate gold crown and a lifetime achievement award," wrote the columnist. "Introduced by a shofar-blowing rabbi, the reverend told the star-studded audience ... that a 'new era' had come: 'Open your hearts and receive the secrets that heaven is disclosing in this age through me.'"

    The religious leader, sounding like a self-proclaimed messiah, is quoted as saying: "In the context of heaven's providence, I am God's ambassador, sent to earth with His full authority. I am sent to accomplish His command to save the world's 6 billion people, restoring them to heaven with the original goodness in which they were created."

  6. ivo says:

    The Gelgamek vagina is three feet wide and filled with razor-sharp teeth. Do you really expect us to have sex with them?!

    (ref)

  7. ex_rumspring720 says:

    My fiance is a radiologist, so naturally we had a "what's the craziest thing you ever imaged inside someone's body" talk.

    He denied having seen anything -too- extraordinary in his personal work, reporting that the more salacious tidbits travel educational circuits for resident conferences.

    He did note one strange thing:
    A guy who'd poured concrete up his ass. The guy never really explained it, and my fiance'd just assumed the guy did it out of sexual hijinks.

    "If a couple exists with that individualism, then the concave organ should be sealed with concrete."

    I've got to send this to him - thanks for the word. There was a moonie camp near his med school, where he saw the concrete-up-the-ass guy. Go figure; now we understand.

    • jwz says:

      That one has been making the rounds since the infancy of the net: Also, I found this:

  8. mildperil says:

    You know about timecube?! Do you know the link to the website?