the horse incident

You have all surely heard of this by now:

Man Fatally Bitten by Sexually Aroused Horse

WARSAW (Reuters) - A sexually excited stallion bit a Polish man to death when he tried to calm the beast, which had become uncontrollably aroused by a nearby mare, police said.

An autopsy would determine whether the direct cause of death was a severed jugular vein or damaged spine, the officer added.

Now really, what the hell is up with that? This guy had his throat torn out by a horse -- if, in fact, it didn't bite clean through his backbone. Isn't being bitten to death by a horse kind of like being trampled to death by a herd of alligators?

I can't get the image of a herd of alligators out of my head now. Amber waves of grain. And alligators. I've been gigging about this for twenty minutes now.

    rollin', rollin', rollin', though the streams are swollen,
    keep them gators rollin' Rawhide!
    rain and wind and weather, hell-bent for leather,
    with a gator by my side, Rawhide!
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17 Responses:

  1. jwilkins says:

    Speaking of which, have you heard the Deathline International cover of Rawhide? That causes me far too much amusement..

  2. colubra says:

    I can find no plural noun for Alligators.
    One can find a bask of crocodiles or a float of them- either of which seems appropriate to the alligator, as well.

  3. endquote says:

    Sounds like a photoshop challenge to me.

  4. violentbloom says:

    fish heads fish heads....

  5. drkscrtlv says:

    I knew a guy who was bitten by a horse.
    He claimed that once they bite down, they can't open their mouth back up until their jaws are closed.

    No idea if that's true, and when I googled for it I ended up with barnyard porn before anything to prove/disprove it. =P

  6. lars_larsen says:

    I have miniature donkeys. Recently I had to seperate the 2 males because they were fighting. The older one got so mean, that if I went in his pen he would chase me and bite me.

    I totally believe he was bit, but to death? You'd have to be pretty stupid to let a horse anywhere near your face.

    BTW the donkeys are neutered now, and a totally different animals. They now coexist peacefully.

    • quercus says:

      They're not peaceful, they're afraid. Look what you did to them for just a wee bit of horseplay! How would you like it? No wonder they're depressive thistle eaters if that's what happens.

      PS - I've got the new Swarf album ! Wish I could get to the DNA Lounge and see them live this weekend.

      • lars_larsen says:

        They were really hard to put on a leash after um, the "procedure". They're very skiddish now. And I dont blame them!!! But at least they dont attack eachother, or the other animals (sheep, goats).

        And by the way, it was fucking expensive! The vet bill was $1000 for the two. And the doctor only spent about an hour between the two of them. $1000/hr? I should have been a vet!!!

  7. stenz says:

    I take it there were no witnesses to his death?

    If so, it would seem that there is a pretty clear distinction between the death from a severed jugular or a severed spinal column.

    The former would involve him grasping at his throat, perhaps screaming/gurgling, falling to the ground and then bleeding to death slowly while writhing in pain until finally the loss of blood prevented any movement - which takes time.

    The latter, if snapped immediately would involve him just falling to the ground and lying there. Unless damage was done to vertebrae and then he turned his head or moved in a way that then severed at - at which point, he would collapse to the ground and just lay there.

    I think they left out an entire other scenario where the horse actually poisoned him with ricin.

    Good to know that it appears they have ruled out the idea of him dying due to repeated sexual assault by the horse. Presumably were that the case, it would have otherwise been mentioned... and made my week.

  8. forthdude says:

    Did you work on in it in the key of A? Good country key...