like a neutrino detector, but for turdicules

New Technology Could Detect Dirty Hands:

Using a specific light wavelength, the scanners cause a fluorescence in even minuscule amounts of fecal contamination; it shows up on a built-in display as a bright red spot on a person's dirty hand.

"Nobody wants to have doo-doo on their burger," said Jacob Petrich, a biophysical chemist at Iowa State University.

"If you only eat beer and cheese pizza, what kind of signatures are you going to get," asked Petrich. "it's just a question of technology, of how you look at the spectral signatures of diets."

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19 Responses:

  1. crasch says:

    I shudder to think what devices like that will reveal. Well, I guess this is as good a time as any to give up burgers and fries.

  2. Thank god they can't detect semen this way yet.


  3. ammonoid says:

    I'm reminded of the Invader Zim 'Germs' episode. The meat..the meat is clean...

  4. Wasn't there once an SNL skit called "Fecal Matters", where the host 'Richard Fecal' just showed pictures of common things with all the traces of feces highlighted?? I'm pretty sure it was exactly this device. They should sue.

  5. tregoweth says:

    I didn't realize "doo-doo" was the proper chemical term.

    • waider says:

      With you on that one. Gotta love a culture where it's acceptable, nay, damn near a requirement to refer to bodily functions in kindergarten terms if you're going to be in public media.

  6. cbongo says:

    Just think about all the fun practical jokers will have by hacking these devices once they're in use in fast food restaurants to always give positive results...

  7. What a fucking boon to OCD people. They're going to now wash their hands 50 times a day instead of merely 25.

    • taffer says:

      They could just stand naked in a full-body scanner and apply steel wool to remove the offending areas... It'll save them lots of time between the "I wash my hands too much" and the "I've seriously damaged myself" stages.

    • en_ki says:

      Think of it as finally knowing for sure when to stop.