Fecal Tongs

Let Me Show You My Collection of Fecal Tongs:

"Fecal tongs have been part of our world since the dawn of recorded history. One can see them in the Neolithic cave paintings in Lascaux, France: Men of the time lacked the know-how to build a hinge, yet they still expressed a desire for fecal tongs. Genghis Khan is said to have always kept his personal tongbearer at his side. Whether used as a medical necessity or as a pleasure, the history of fecal tongs is in many ways the history of man."
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30 Responses:

  1. m4dh4tt3r says:

    that's just disturbing.

  2. ctudball says:

    Thankfully it may not be that real. I don't know if I am disappointed or relieved.

    • loosechanj says:

      I'd say you're anal.

    • jwz says:

      I don't think bidets are real either.

      • nzchrisb says:

        Thankyou, I don't believe they're real either. I mean has anyone actually ever used one? And if so can someone explain the mode of use, is it all bidet action or is there some wiping first, and is there a special bidet towel to look out for? I hate to dry my hands on that one.

        • drreagan says:

          We have a bidet in the house that we rent. Nobody here is game enough to try and use it. Of course, that wouldd assume anyone can work out how.

          The other option is that its actually a foot washer.

        • belgand says:

          I have to admit that I'm a bit uncertain of bidet usage myself, but I believe we ought to have them in widespread use nonetheless. Not to mention those Japanese super toilets that have built-in bidet functionality and such.

          I recall an old issue of Wired discussing toilet technology and specifically when bidets would become accepted in the US and one of the commentators remarking about how Americans feel it's important to wash their hands after going to the bathroom, but a handful of paper is good enough for the ass. Really got me thinking. I'm sure my ass could stand to be washed after use.

        • roninspoon says:

          When I was stationed in Saudi Arabia, the quarters at Eskon Village in Riyadh were converted apartment blocks. The bathrooms had bidets and it as the first time many of us had seen one. Of course we had no idea what they were for, but eventually their use was discovered through quiet rumor. We never really figured out how to use them, although there was much speculation. As far as I know the only one to even try to use it only used it to masturbate. I don't remember the dude's name now, but I recall the conversation when he told me "I don't know how you're supposed to use that fancy second toilet, but if you squat over it while you're jacking and just when you start to bust your nut, turn on the water, really hot and hard and shoot it at your asshole, best fucking cum I've ever had."

          I'm still not entirely sure why he chose to share that with me.

        • malokai says:

          more modern bidets have fans.

          I saw one once, the guy who built the house was from italy. I thought about using it, but after turning it on, the 6' stream of water scared me.

      • jabber says:

        They ARE real!

        They're water fountains, for dogs, and quadriplegics.

      • ultranurd says:

        I washed a pair of jeans in a bidet after I had stepped in dog poop and then unknowingly spread it on my pants leg. Stupid France ;o).

      • tongodeon says:

        I've never used a bidet, but I did use one of those fancy spraying electronic toilets when I was in Japan last year. It was beautiful. If you've never tried, you owe it to yourself. I want to get one for my house, but the crush of curious bathroom-users would probably increase the required cleaning schedule more than is acceptable.

        By the way I am totally, TOTALLY BAFFLED by what "fecal tongs" are, including their mode of use and being clear on what problem they're intended to address. Could someone please clarify?

  3. mapzter says:

    Hehe, good one. It seems to have been making the rounds for a while.

  4. nzchrisb says:

    EEEEWWWWWWWWW I was eating!

  5. myasma says:

    I have been a nurse for 15 years, and never knew such a thing existed. Pity.

  6. cetan says:

    My first response was (really):

    "You've got to be shitting me."

    Then I realized this is most likely a hoax. But with all the poop going around these days, it's just so difficult to tell.

  7. kyronfive says:

    Genghis Khan is said to have always kept his personal tongbearer at his side.

    That might qualify as the world's most shittiest job.

  8. ammonoid says:

    Snopes is silent on the subject of fecal tongs. Doesn't mean its still not a hoax, though. I've never heard of fecal tongs before.

  9. rawdogue says:

    And all this time I've been using these to retrieve bread that fails to pop up from the toaster.

  10. baconmonkey says:

    google only points to that site and baffled bloggers who link to that site when asked about "fecal tongs".

    • jwz says:


      • baconmonkey says:

        I know it was a gag. I assumed that was a given when I posted that. I found it more amusing how many confused bloggers/msg-board posts there are linking to it.

  11. romulusnr says:

    i was half expecting to see a set of these...