bowel disruptor

US troops are to be armed with a stun gun that uses a baby's high-pitched scream to bring the enemy to its knees. Anyone hit with a full blast would suffer excruciating pain, permanent deafness and some form of cellular damage. A prolonged blast could kill. The actual sound used is a recording of a baby's scream played backwards.
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33 Responses:

  1. adameros says:

    Sound's (no pun intended) like Kate Bush's "Experiment IV".

  2. revsphynx says:

    So will this make people associate babies with bad things, and thus prevent another baby boom?

    • pragma says:

      Babies have been making that noise this whole time, and it hasn't done a whole lot for population control. In fact, I bet they haven't tested it on parents of 4+. The effects would be limited to: a concerned expression and desire to feed something.

      • curgoth says:

        The more likely effect is some kind of baby arms race, with children being screened by the military for the most piercing scream. If the payout was good enough, it could encourage people to have whinier babies.

      • wfaulk says:

        I think it's more likely to arouse a desire to ignore it while eating at a restaurant or letting underlings destroy store property.

  3. giles says:

    Heaven fills up my dreams.

  4. I thought Muad'dib was the killing word...

  5. retardotron says:

    There's a small part of me that wants to know how they got the kind of baby scream that would be necessary to make this kind of weapon effective, but it was out-voted by the rest of me.

  6. irma_vep says:

    We need to have women run this world. This situation simply wouldn't happen if women ran the world.

  7. wasteddream says:

    Personally, I want to know whose baby they recorded for this thing, and what kind of complex that kid is going to have when it grows up.

    Just think about how proud its parents must be! I can picture them now, American flag decals stuck on the windows of their SUV, bragging to the neigbors... "You know our little George is helping our troops win the war against terror. Our little snoogums is bursting the eardrums of all those terrible Iraqi people, yes he is."

    All the same, i think you should get one of these things mounted above the dancefloor at the DNA. Or maybe outside, over the doors. You could focus several of them in a row to make a sonic fence! Undetectable from two feet away, but step into it and POW.

    • coldacid says:

      Yeah, a sonic fence. Perhaps then kids'll stop tagging and pissing on the club.

    • not_art says:

      This does indeed sound like a Kurt Vonnegut plot: told from the point of view of the kid, after his scream has wiped out half of the armies of the world in WWIII.

  8. pvck says:

    My first thought upon reading this was that I can think if three songs in my colection off the top of my head that include a sample of a baby's scream played backwards. I guess now I can consider that preperatory training for The Revolution [tm].

  9. taffer says:

    Isn't bursting people's ear drums a little on-par with using lasers to blind them? And wasn't that declared a war crime or something?

    Oh, wait, I forgot... the US constantly excuses themselves from things like the Geneva Convention.

    • coldacid says:

      As long as everyone else lives by the rules, apperantly America doesn't have to.

    • jeramey says:

      I agree. I think bullets are a much better choice for weaponry.

    • odd97 says:

      Burst eardrums heal. Melted eyeballs don't. (although you could toke legally!)

      You'll be deaf for a while, and suffer permanent reduced hearing abilities, and probably become involved with a militant anti-US terrorist group, but you won't be deaf.

  10. billemon says:

    Oh, great. A wail gun.

  11. bad_juju says:

    Look for it at an anti-war protest near you...