The blond surfer girl from the adoption desk suddenly popped up in front of the base of the tree. She announced the mother cabbage was fully dilated and in order to help her have the baby she needed "10 CC's of imagicillin - stat!" A long cable with a fat end was wedged callously into the cabbage and the TV screen glowed hot pink, thereby determining the baby about to be born was in fact, a girl.
A long pair of hemostats were produced and she used them to fold back the obscene green fabric labia of the gestating brassica oleracea. Surfer girl stuck her hand in up to her elbow and pulled out a pudgy fabric newborn with blue eyes and curly blond hair. She held it by the feet and slapped its naked butt cheeks. I was almost a little sorry it wasn't covered in cherry Jell-O.
BERLIN (Reuters) - A German actress was taken to hospital after an artist injured her breasts while trying to cut open her bra with a chainsaw during a rehearsal for a stage show, she has told a newspaper.
"It was the worst moment of my life. I thought, Sibylle, you're going to die," the actress, former porn star Sibylle Rauch, 43, told Bild newspaper.
The chainsaw operator, performance artist Marko Koenig, said Rauch was lying down during the rehearsal on Monday and suddenly bent forward just as he was applying the saw to her bra.
"I couldn't pull back the chainsaw quickly enough and cut her breast and stomach. It was terrible," he told Bild. The hospital in Karlsruhe, southwest Germany, where Rauch was treated declined to give details of her injuries. "We are not authorised to comment on our patients," a spokesman said.
I apologize for any confusion my previous post may have caused.
Here is the corrected version.
These folks have constructed a Turing Machine out of a model railroad.
Allowing ourselves to fleetingly believe in an earlier historical miscalculation that "... Computers in the future may have only 1,000 vacuum tubes and perhaps weigh 1 1/2 tons." (Popular Mechanics, March 1949), we decided to put some hundred tons of scaled steel together in order to build these calculating protozoa. The operating system of this reckoning worm is the ultimate universal calculator, the Turingmachine, and is able to calculate whatever is capable of being calculated.
I, for one, welcome our new locomotive overlords.
"how about a trip into a since 1971 almost unchanged 'Erotik Museum' in Japan's country side? Includes sex, animals, testicles and horses with headache."
DES MOINES, Iowa -- In what may be the first subpoena of its kind in decades, a federal judge has ordered a university to turn over records about a gathering of anti-war activists. [...]
In addition to records about who attended the forum, the subpoena orders the university to divulge all records relating to the local chapter of the National Lawyers Guild, a New York-based legal activist organization that sponsored the forum. [...]
"The law is clear that the use of the grand jury to investigate protected political activities or to intimidate protesters exceeds its authority," guild President Michael Ayers said in a statement. Representatives of the Lawyer's Guild and the American Civil Liberties Union said they had not heard of such a subpoena being served on any U.S. university in decades. [...]
The forum, titled "Stop the Occupation! Bring the Iowa Guard Home!" came the day before 12 protesters were arrested at an anti-war rally at Iowa National Guard headquarters in Johnston. Organizers say the forum included nonviolence training for people planning to demonstrate.
Several officials of Drake, a private university with about 5,000 students, refused to comment Friday [...] A source with knowledge of the investigation said a judge had issued a gag order forbidding school officials from discussing the subpoena.
"There is a lot of things we can do with fistulated steers," said Jim Russell, professor of animal science. "They are a nice thing to have around for tours with kids."