"Where babies come from - sanitized for your protection"

zeppo visits Babyland General Hospital:

The blond surfer girl from the adoption desk suddenly popped up in front of the base of the tree. She announced the mother cabbage was fully dilated and in order to help her have the baby she needed "10 CC's of imagicillin - stat!" A long cable with a fat end was wedged callously into the cabbage and the TV screen glowed hot pink, thereby determining the baby about to be born was in fact, a girl.

A long pair of hemostats were produced and she used them to fold back the obscene green fabric labia of the gestating brassica oleracea. Surfer girl stuck her hand in up to her elbow and pulled out a pudgy fabric newborn with blue eyes and curly blond hair. She held it by the feet and slapped its naked butt cheeks. I was almost a little sorry it wasn't covered in cherry Jell-O.

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wardrobe malfunction

Actress's breasts cut in chainsaw accident

BERLIN (Reuters) - A German actress was taken to hospital after an artist injured her breasts while trying to cut open her bra with a chainsaw during a rehearsal for a stage show, she has told a newspaper.

"It was the worst moment of my life. I thought, Sibylle, you're going to die," the actress, former porn star Sibylle Rauch, 43, told Bild newspaper.

The chainsaw operator, performance artist Marko Koenig, said Rauch was lying down during the rehearsal on Monday and suddenly bent forward just as he was applying the saw to her bra.

"I couldn't pull back the chainsaw quickly enough and cut her breast and stomach. It was terrible," he told Bild. The hospital in Karlsruhe, southwest Germany, where Rauch was treated declined to give details of her injuries. "We are not authorised to comment on our patients," a spokesman said.

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and now the news [PICTURE KILL ADVISORY]

Update:
I apologize for any confusion my previous post may have caused.
Here is the corrected version.
Thank you.

Exhibit A:

A duckling looks around before being killed by Chinese health workers at a farm in Tianjin after the northern port city reported a suspected bird flu case February 10, 2004. Local authorities have killed about 200,000 poultry in Tianjin. (China Photo via Reuters)
Exhibit B:

An unidentified member of Parliament Funkadelic shows off his outfit backstage at the 46th annual Grammy Awards in Los Angeles February 8, 2004. The group performed on the Grammy telecast. REUTERS/Mike Blake
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and now the news

Exhibit A:

An unidentified member of Parliament Funkadelic shows off his outfit backstage at the 46th annual Grammy Awards in Los Angeles February 8, 2004. The group performed on the Grammy telecast. REUTERS/Mike Blake
Exhibit B:

A duckling looks around before being killed by Chinese health workers at a farm in Tianjin after the northern port city reported a suspected bird flu case February 10, 2004. Local authorities have killed about 200,000 poultry in Tianjin. (China Photo via Reuters)
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Turing Trains

These folks have constructed a Turing Machine out of a model railroad.

Allowing ourselves to fleetingly believe in an earlier historical miscalculation that "... Computers in the future may have only 1,000 vacuum tubes and perhaps weigh 1 1/2 tons." (Popular Mechanics, March 1949), we decided to put some hundred tons of scaled steel together in order to build these calculating protozoa. The operating system of this reckoning worm is the ultimate universal calculator, the Turingmachine, and is able to calculate whatever is capable of being calculated.

I, for one, welcome our new locomotive overlords.

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Japanese Sex Museum of Horrors

Juergen Specht says:
"how about a trip into a since 1971 almost unchanged 'Erotik Museum' in Japan's country side? Includes sex, animals, testicles and horses with headache."

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Current Music: Halo -- Lights ♬

Hello, Senator McCarthy

Feds win right to war protesters' records

DES MOINES, Iowa -- In what may be the first subpoena of its kind in decades, a federal judge has ordered a university to turn over records about a gathering of anti-war activists. [...]

In addition to records about who attended the forum, the subpoena orders the university to divulge all records relating to the local chapter of the National Lawyers Guild, a New York-based legal activist organization that sponsored the forum. [...]

"The law is clear that the use of the grand jury to investigate protected political activities or to intimidate protesters exceeds its authority," guild President Michael Ayers said in a statement. Representatives of the Lawyer's Guild and the American Civil Liberties Union said they had not heard of such a subpoena being served on any U.S. university in decades. [...]

The forum, titled "Stop the Occupation! Bring the Iowa Guard Home!" came the day before 12 protesters were arrested at an anti-war rally at Iowa National Guard headquarters in Johnston. Organizers say the forum included nonviolence training for people planning to demonstrate.

Several officials of Drake, a private university with about 5,000 students, refused to comment Friday [...] A source with knowledge of the investigation said a judge had issued a gag order forbidding school officials from discussing the subpoena.

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this is what happens when furries dress as humans

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cow fisting, fistulating, whatever

Cow Port:
"There is a lot of things we can do with fistulated steers," said Jim Russell, professor of animal science. "They are a nice thing to have around for tours with kids."

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The Epic of Roostard

"In retrospect, the whole experience feels strangely visceral. Three days ago, this meal was walking around in my neighbor's yard, annoying me every morning at dawn. So I bought it, killed it, cooked it, and ate it. This reminds me of my place in the food chain at a deep level I've never experienced before."

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