the future that wasn't

The Bel Geddes #4

"There is a small railroad so the engines can be changed in flight, and moved around at ease within the auxiliary wing. The nonfunctioning motor can be replaced with a reserve motor within five minutes and broken motor run over to the machine shop and to be repaired on the spot. Bel Geddes figured that while it required 20 engines to lift the ship off the water, only 12 were needed to fly at cruising speed."

(More retro-future planes.)

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"Where babies come from - sanitized for your protection"

zeppo visits Babyland General Hospital:

The blond surfer girl from the adoption desk suddenly popped up in front of the base of the tree. She announced the mother cabbage was fully dilated and in order to help her have the baby she needed "10 CC's of imagicillin - stat!" A long cable with a fat end was wedged callously into the cabbage and the TV screen glowed hot pink, thereby determining the baby about to be born was in fact, a girl.

A long pair of hemostats were produced and she used them to fold back the obscene green fabric labia of the gestating brassica oleracea. Surfer girl stuck her hand in up to her elbow and pulled out a pudgy fabric newborn with blue eyes and curly blond hair. She held it by the feet and slapped its naked butt cheeks. I was almost a little sorry it wasn't covered in cherry Jell-O.

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wardrobe malfunction

Actress's breasts cut in chainsaw accident

BERLIN (Reuters) - A German actress was taken to hospital after an artist injured her breasts while trying to cut open her bra with a chainsaw during a rehearsal for a stage show, she has told a newspaper.

"It was the worst moment of my life. I thought, Sibylle, you're going to die," the actress, former porn star Sibylle Rauch, 43, told Bild newspaper.

The chainsaw operator, performance artist Marko Koenig, said Rauch was lying down during the rehearsal on Monday and suddenly bent forward just as he was applying the saw to her bra.

"I couldn't pull back the chainsaw quickly enough and cut her breast and stomach. It was terrible," he told Bild. The hospital in Karlsruhe, southwest Germany, where Rauch was treated declined to give details of her injuries. "We are not authorised to comment on our patients," a spokesman said.

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and now the news [PICTURE KILL ADVISORY]

Update:
I apologize for any confusion my previous post may have caused.
Here is the corrected version.
Thank you.

Exhibit A:

A duckling looks around before being killed by Chinese health workers at a farm in Tianjin after the northern port city reported a suspected bird flu case February 10, 2004. Local authorities have killed about 200,000 poultry in Tianjin. (China Photo via Reuters)
Exhibit B:

An unidentified member of Parliament Funkadelic shows off his outfit backstage at the 46th annual Grammy Awards in Los Angeles February 8, 2004. The group performed on the Grammy telecast. REUTERS/Mike Blake
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